» Going Too Far

Oh dear.....
Been lurking a while but couldn’t pass up this gem…...
A friend at uni, let’s call him Pat, is a bit of a lightweight when it comes to the beer. This however doesn’t stop him partaking and probably explains why he’s had to resit his entire 2nd year twice, but that’s another story. Anyways, one night I went round to his student digs he shares with a few of my Biology coursemates and 4 of us got though the WHOLE bottle of vodka I took round. Very quickly. Having a great night we decided to keep going and got to the off license before it closed, got a crate of beer, another bottle of vodka and some cola as mixer. After the 2nd bottle of vodka had gone as well as most of the beer, another housemate came home with a couple of ‘herbal cigarettes’ which went down nicely. “What happened to Pat?” you whisper among yourselves. Well…………….
I had been making sure Pat had partaken of mammoth drinks all night, you know the kind- vodka with a dash of cola for colour.
He was barely alive. So we got him upstairs and left him passed out. He awoke and came crashing downstairs fell into the room and almost through the window. Obviously in a real state and completely at our mercy, we did what any real friends would do: convinced him to have his hair shaved off. The hair he had been growing for 6 months. He passed out coma style half way through so we left it as a Mohican and drew all over his face in green marker pens. Which seemed okay at the time.

The next morning he found his new hairstyle and managed to scrub most of his face clean before getting to work. He missed the ‘I love men’ written across his scalp and the large green cock I drew behind his right ear. His Area Manager at work had to point them out to him during an inspection. Strangely, all my accomplices blamed me when he confronted us later. He said just these words “Too far mate”.
As he kneed me in the balls.

Obligatory apologies for length.
If it's any consolation, my penis is only 3 inches....but some girls like it that wide. Sorry.
(Fri 10th Nov 2006, 15:29, More)

» Restaurants, Kitchens and Bars... Oh my!

Wetherspoons.....it really is that bad.
Long time lurker, this qotw just got my juices goin too much to keep quiet. Having seen the bottom dregs of the society scum barrel drinking in the Wetherspoons where I slogged my guts out (on piss-poor money I might add) for several years, I had many experiences that should have made me leave right there and then. Foolishly I thought earning a wage rather that getting pissed all day like the benefit-bludging scum was preferable. Can you tell I'm bitter? LOL Anyways:
1) On the hourly toilet inspection one day, opened a cubicle to find the remnants of the Daily Sport. Someone had a VERY good read of it. The paper, and most of the cubicle was decorated with copious lashings of baby-batter. The poor bastard staff members on duty were expected to clean it up.
2) One particularly obnoxious individual customer, spent the whole day (as he did everday actually) drinking cider and being a cnut to staff. But on this day, he didn't handle his drink quite as well as normal. We were astonishingly busy, the pub was hammered with xmas shoppers as it was late night opening in town so we couldn't keep an eye on all the reprobates who kept buying him drinks. Next thing we hear, is that he's passed out and won't wake up. Turns out he has slumped off of his chair onto the floor and is being sick so we quickly get him sat up and try to get him conscious. At which point, he then PISSES himself. Trying not to wretch, we try n get him on his chair as he's waking up.
Then he SHAT himself......It was that night I told em to stick the job. Funny that. Got a much better job in a music store where noone has ever puked on the staff.

There are more but these two stick in my memory somewhat.

Girth and length? Pygmy tribes worship me as a god!
(Tue 25th Jul 2006, 10:51, More)