» Accidental innuendo

Deep Purple
is my boyfriend's mother's favourite band, by far. So I laughed happily when she came online and was chatting with my boyfriend under the MSN screenname "i love dp".

Of course, my boyfriend had to tell her that I was laughing at her screenname, and why. But I like to think we all got a laugh out of it. Particularly me.
(Sat 14th Jun 2008, 7:58, More)

» Siblings

Mine's not a funny story but...
Just a musing on the weird way my family turned out.

My father had two children from his previous marriage who live overseas (near most of you b3tans). They're roughly 15 years older than me, and my father moved to New Zealand after having them. Once I was old enough to realise the photo of the girl my age in the garage wasn't my Dad's "girlfriend" (? I was young and confused) but his other daughter, I realised that I had siblings...well, half siblings, but I'd wanted so badly to have siblings that I could never negate them as "halves".

My sister had only met me when I was a baby, but unfortunately, wanted nothing to do with me. Minus one much-treasured birthday card. She blames me for my father abandoning her in her youth, which...well, sucks. I'm not saying my life sucks, but I don't think my life involves quite the perfect family life she imagines, seeing my Dad moved a few hours away. My Dad arranged for us to webchat once, but she didn't show up. That was that. Moving on.

My brother is awesome. He's a bit of a "loveable rogue", as my Dad likes to describe him, but he came down to stay once for a couple of months, and was a perfect big brother. (Despite the fact that he stole thousands off his ex-girlfriends and my Dad's girlfriend, but that never affected me, so he's still perfect in my eyes. The fact that he actually GAVE me $20 once inspired my Dad to tell me that he must really have a soft spot for me. Nevermind that he probably nicked the $20 from Dad beforehand.) He hasn't been back since, and that was 13 years ago, despite promises every year that he will. But still, I'm proud to say I have a brother.

Then, when I was 16...my Dad was chatting to me on MSN Messenger. He launched into how I had another sister that I'd never been told about, this time on my Mum's side and around the same age as my other siblings. She had adopted her out, never told anyone in her family, but they had kept in touch. Supposedly I knew her. He gave me her name, but I had no idea who he meant.

I was called to dinner then, and returned afterward to finish the conversation. Dad had her name wrong. I figured out who she was - she was a family friend who I had played violin at the wedding of when I was a kid, as I had been demoted from position of flower girl. I, now more than ever, was shocked and horrified that I had been demoted from flower girl for more DIRECT FAMILY.

The conditions of my knowing this information was not to let my Mum knew that I knew. 2 years later she broke down in tears and confessed to me that she had something to tell me. Before she said a word, I was like "Um, I know." "No you don't!" "Yes, I do actually."

(I know written down that none of this sounds that shocking, but I guess it was a little more emotional while actually happening.)

I'm still not allowed to tell any other relatives that she's my sister...which is my Mum's issues, not mine, as she doesn't want to deal with her gossipy family...but now we can hang out and drink together, which is cool. And considering she's dark skinned like my Mum, and I'm pale and blonde, we like to try and convince people we're sisters (which never EVER works). (Possibly because when I'm drunk I fake an American accent and pretend to be a tourist for some reason.) (I have issues.)

My Mum said it was funny, because I'd always asked when I was a kid "Are you sure I don't have a sister I don't know about?" and she'd always wondered how I knew...

I'm sure quite a few of you have a few half sisters/brothers lying around but that's my story about them...

I don't really expect anyone to have read all that, but it's quite nice to get the story all straight on paper...umm...on line!
(Sun 28th Dec 2008, 11:52, More)

» Accidental innuendo

badoom-ch!
This isn't exactly innuendo, more a slip of the tongue, but it immediately came to mind.

One of my male friends once made a joke, and instead of the innocent "That deserves a rim shot," I came out with "That deserves a rim job."

Incidentally, he received neither (from me, anyway). But my boyfriend manages a drum shop, so he gets enough of both. Badoom-ch!
(Sat 14th Jun 2008, 1:14, More)

» Oldies vs Computers

Y2k...
When everyone was getting all silly about Y2K, I was 15. I had recently gotten the internet and had made a few friends overseas. Living in New Zealand, our timezone is way ahead of the rest of the world.

One of my friends in Germany asked me to come online as soon as possible after midnight, so I could e-mail her to let her know if our computers would still work.
(Sun 24th Sep 2006, 14:39, More)

» Oldies vs Computers

Question Swap...
Thanks to the b3ta newsletter, I found the website Question Swap at questionswap.com. I had been diligently asking and answering questions for a while, when I kept getting asked to hit Ctrl+V and send what came up. I quite liked that question so I used it for myself.

The reply I got back? (I paraphrase only slightly...)

"i am not going to do that!!!! i know what it does, it restarts your computer!!! I'M NOT AN IDIOT!!!"

Bless.

I also had a couple of other nice question/answers, such as

What’s she running from now?

me. I’m a rapist

Here's the link to my other favourite answers, in case anyones interested.

www.clubjemma.com/2006/02/25/like-an-advice-column-but-with-really-awful-advice/

Sorry if I'm not very good...it's my first time!
(Sun 24th Sep 2006, 14:29, More)