b3ta.com user sarahahaha
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» Dressing Up

End of the World themed hogmanay party
Me dressed as a monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey

(Thu 25th Oct 2012, 17:38, More)

» Pubs

Apologise for the terrible accent
I was back home in Northumberland, drinking with my dad in his local on a weeknight. Into the quiet, dark country boozer comes Jackie, an ancient awld gadgee shepherd who everyone knows, he sits quietly with his bottle of stout in a corner and rarely says more than occasional "ye knaa" and "aye man" at the conversations in the pub. It's the sort of place where all the conversations are shared, being small and quiet. Anyway, someone was talking about a pub further away, called the Dyke Neuk Inn, when wor Jackie pipes up in his broad northumbrian:
"Aye - the Dyke Neuk - Ah used te drink theor, man ye knaa" Everyone falls silent.
"Did you now Jackie?" someone says, to encourage him to talk a bit more.
"Aye - Ah used te gan in at 6 every neet like, ye kna. Aye right. Ah used te knaa al the lassies behind thu bar, aye. Aye. Ennyweey, Yin neet ah gans in at 7, acause Ah'd bin oot wid the yows, ye knaa. An de ye knaa what the wifey says to is?"
The pub lies silent waiting for Jackie's words of wisdom, the man having never said more than three words at one in 25 years.
"She gans, "Eee Jack! Yer late!""

(Sun 8th Feb 2009, 13:37, More)

» Guilty Secrets

Tsk, Drunken Students
When I was an unemployed waster, I was once dragged to a student flat party, where, once the cheap lager had run out, I found myself in the coat room drawing on the face of a passed-out student. After 6 cans of Fosters, I thought this was the funniest thing ever, as I gleefully scribbled swastikkas, "666" and the like on the poor lad's mug. A young woman entered the room and admired my handiwork, at which point I actually looked at the pen, saw the words "permanent marker", gave the pen to the young lady, lifted an expensive bottle of wine and ran far, far away. I still feel a little bit bad about the whole thing, but apparently you can remove permanent marker by scrubbing continously for 6 hours with a block of pumice. So that's OK then.
(Sun 2nd Sep 2007, 13:47, More)

» "You're doing it wrong"

Banoffee Pie
I was 22 before I realised that Banoffee wasn't a town in Austria famous for its delicious sweets
(Thu 15th Jul 2010, 18:33, More)

» My First Experience of the Internet

Compuserve, very early 1990s. "CB Emulator", me aged 9ish, got groomed by a pedophile. He persuaded me to go to the local phone box so I could send him the number, and he could call me back "for a chat". Halfway to the phone box I thought "fuck this" and went to the shops instead to get a 10p mixup.
(Thu 22nd Mar 2012, 21:53, More)
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