b3ta.com user Thy Maker
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Gosh. Just logged in for the first time in about 10 years :) See you in 2028!

Recent front page messages:

25 days to go!

(Mon 19th Jul 2004, 11:18, More)

The Beckham/FP experiment

(Thu 17th Jun 2004, 18:28, More)


(Tue 16th Sep 2003, 21:29, More)

Metropolis unseen

(Thu 6th Mar 2003, 17:01, More)

How an Etch-a-Sketch really works....

(Tue 6th Aug 2002, 18:41, More)

It's my first time
Please be gentle with me :)

(Mon 5th Aug 2002, 20:02, More)

Best answers to questions:

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

Hmmmm... so many to choose from....
Well, there was the time when I took acid and thought it was incredibly funny that I'd burnt a hole in the coat of a young lady from my halls of residence. Predictably, she never saw the funny side.

Stoned MarioKart was always funny, as was the time when, in a hideous case of the munchies, I ate a lime jelly with my bare hands.
(Thu 15th Dec 2005, 13:18, More)

» Best Comebacks

I've always been quite fond of the old playground classic
"Twinkle, twinkle little star. What you say is what you are"

Or was it just my school?
(Thu 29th Apr 2004, 16:03, More)

» My first experience of porn

Somewhat bizarrely, it was when I was about 11. On a scout camp. In the woods...

(Thu 25th Jan 2007, 15:54, More)

» Scars with history

I've got a scar on my chin
When I was a wee one (4 or thereabouts), I cut my chin open quite badly to the extent that a large flap of chin flesh had to be stitched down again.

The accepted story amongst family is that my brother was chasing me, and that I fell and cracked my chin open on a skirting board.

On reflection, that story is clearly bollocks. How on earth could I crack my chin open on a skirting board without bending my head through ninety degrees???

So, fuck knows how I did it...
(Mon 7th Feb 2005, 17:44, More)

» Dad Jokes

Well I don't know about anyone else...
...but I don't really mind the prospect of being doomed to tell Dad jokes (I'll be a dad in April!). Maybe I'm in the minority, but I actually look back on my dad's shit jokes with a sort of fondness...

My Dad's worst 'joke' was to do 'funny' things with his childrens' names.

For example, my brother's name is Joe, who was often mockingly called "Vinegar Joe" (early 70's rock band) when he put salt and vinegar on his chips. Since he was born about 10 years after the release of Vinegar Joe's first album, the joke went straight over his head. Didn't stop my dad going into hysterics though. I seem to remember that Joe got so pissed off with it (at age 7 or 8) that he got up one day and stormed away from the dinner table.

My other brother Daniel, was 'christened' "Daniel Boon". At the time, he'd have only been about six or seven so didn't really understand the 18th Century American Colonel reference. Again my dad thought this was hilarious.

I was quite lucky in having the middle name, Luke. So I was "Luke Skywalker" :)
(Wed 10th Dec 2003, 10:16, More)
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