b3ta.com user LordManley
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My new project

The Placenta post on my log blog.

I just discovered flickr!

Please check out my, generally a bit poncy, photographs here:


Made by Happy Toast:

Made by DownOnTheFarm:

Made by kingsuperspecial:

Made by Verity:

Made by OneOfSome:


Made by Dr Mexico:

Made by ElRodente:

Made by -D-:

Recent front page messages:

Gloria in Excel Sheets
(Tue 14th Dec 2021, 9:40, More)

Not sure if bungeeing is a game, per se, but this took me a long time to make, so you have to look at it.
per se but this took me a long time to make so you have to look at it.

(Tue 17th Dec 2019, 12:36, More)

I cannot be the only person to think this?

(Tue 2nd Dec 2014, 10:09, More)

DJ Yoda
climate change
(Wed 4th Mar 2009, 0:40, More)

Look what I found.

Credit to Fluffy for the idea.

(Tue 16th Jan 2007, 14:57, More)

You'll like this. Not a lot.

Click for full image. . .

(Sun 19th Nov 2006, 22:38, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Evil Pranks

Bit of a pearoast, but . . .
Got a bloke drunk and bet him that he could not fit both of his testicles into a standard sized Marmite jar.

This is a relatively easy feat: one simply pops them in, one at a time.

Unfortunately there isn't room for both a brace of plums and a digit, negating the chances of removing said testicles.

Nothing makes Lord Manley happier than watching a grown man's face as he holds a claw hammer and contemplates smashing the glass jar which houses his gonads.

Click for tutorial (NSFWish)
(Sun 16th Dec 2007, 14:37, More)

» Ginger

I actually believe
that anti-ginger sentiments are no better than any other bigotry.

In fact, possibly worse.

A black child growing up with abuse at least has recourse to a family and friends, ginger children often do not even have that small respite.

It disgusts me to think of the abuse that these children get, simply because they have different coloured hair.

I suspect this would be considered amusing if I finished with 'and smelled like fox piss' or 'and look like Harpski', but I am not going to, I think it is uncommonly cruel and I am ashamed to live in a society where it is accepted.
(Fri 26th Feb 2010, 19:20, More)

» Political Correctness Gone Mad

My mother is a bit duff.
She was a hole in the heart baby and, as a result, had a triscupid heart valve replacement and has subsequently had to have these re-installed, so that she has 6 nylon valves, in addition to her working 1. This means her heart is enormous and her lungs crushed and tiny as a result.

We had great fun as kids calling her Darth Vader because of her wheeze and then Dracula because, well, she's got a hole in her heart.

Anyway, part of being a raspberry is that she is susceptible to everything. As well as having the occasional heart attack, she has chicken pox every time she looks wrong at a hen, falls down with flu, had meningitis's badly enough to keep her housebound for years and has a catastrophic kidney failure.

When her kidney gave out I hitched down from Dundee (to be told, upon my arrival at the RDE in Exeter, that I shouldn't be there with holes in my jeans - the old lady in the next bed whispered conspiratorially that she'd looked and my knees were clean under the tears) and, after a small shock when I came back to the loo to find an empty bed, Mother was released back into the wild.

We went for a day out in Barnstaple (horrid place) where I enjoyed a day of kicking the stick out from under my old mum, in order to raise her spirits. Finally she had enough and waved her stick at me, exclaiming that 'If you do that one one more time I'll whack you one', upon which she put her stick back down on a storm drain, it slipped between the bars and she went down on the road like a sack of the proverbial.

Her winded state meant that it was touch and go whether she'd be able to call the mob off before they killed the 19 year old punk who was lying in the road laughing so hard at the fallen cripple that he was unable to stand.
(Tue 27th Nov 2007, 9:48, More)

» Nights Out Gone Wrong

Five mini wheels in my bed.

I had no tools, I could not find a wheel-free car in the morning and, for the love of God, how did I get the spare anyway?
(Mon 28th Mar 2011, 12:21, More)

» Evil Pranks

One week before my wedding
I sent a text message to my wife's best friend:

"I think we should talk. I need to know I am not making a massive mistake. I must know that there is no chance for us, before it is too late."

I then passed the (shared) telephone to my wife whenever she called, with a comment along the lines of 'Oh, Jim's here, you'd better talk to her'.

Eventually she called me on the Thursday when I was at the reception venue delivering the cake.

"Hi, Manley, do we need to talk?"

I managed about 30 seconds with Matthewparker, my best man, pulling stupid faces before I broke down into laughter.

It was cruel in hindsight, but at least I know that Charlie can keep a secret, eh? My only regret is that it didn't go into church. I'd love to have watched her face at the 'Speak now or forever hold your peace' juncture.
(Sat 15th Dec 2007, 14:51, More)
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