b3ta.com user FishNChimps
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» I'm going to Hell...

I used to work in Sydenham Library
'Twas a Saturday job. Good money but dull. As a teenager, it was the place where I discovered just how viciously competitive old ladies could be.
Any time a new Catherine Cookson / Barbara Cartland etc (this was many moons ago) book was due out there'd be the same clutch of angry old biddies insisting they were the first on the reserve list.
If there was a delay in publication it was my fault. If the old cow was in hospital and missed her reserve date then it was my fault if some other biddy got the book.
So, fuck it, it was the right thing to do to swap the covers so instead of some romantic shit as promised on the outside, they started reading a Sven Hassel or James Herbert, the bitches.

I also used to draw tiny cocks in the pages of large print books.
(Sat 13th Dec 2008, 0:51, More)

» Best and worst TV ads

Posh agency bird
A slight deviation from the topic, but still slightly relevant because this involves an ad agency wot I worked for, and the event relates to an ad campaign launch.
The occasion: A day-long event attended by The Great And The Good from the world of politics and business, to celebrate a significant episode in the life of one of the world's most important international organisations, namely a whopping multi-million Euros ad campaign.
The setting: The interior of an historic academic institution. It's a soiree which is also attended by hand-picked members of the agency sponsoring the event. Oddly enough, most of those from the agency just happen to be the typical eye candy account execs who do a damn fine job of charming our clients' middle-aged male marketing directors.
As the guests line up to enter the hallowed halls, a female account executive is ticking off the names.
One guest approaches.
- Account Exec: "Good evening sir."
- Guest: "Good evening."
- Account Exec: "What is your name please?"
- Guest: "Lawson."
- Account Exec: "First name?"
Long pause, followed by a deep, somewhat disapproving breath.
- Guest: "LORD."

The account exec was blonde.
(Mon 19th Apr 2010, 13:47, More)

» Good Advice

If a place is known locally as Dog Shit Alley
then don't walk down it in the dark.
(Thu 20th May 2010, 15:16, More)

» Teenage Crushes - Part Two

Hanna Barbera turned me to the dark side
The Hooded Claw tying up Penelope Pitstop every week, for fuck's sake. God, she was gorgeous. Heee-yelp! Heee-yelp!
(Fri 6th Nov 2009, 17:39, More)

» I don't understand the attraction

McDonald's french fries
are fucking disgusting, yet the serving staff look at me like I'm a Daily Mail reader when I say No, I don't want fries with that.
(Wed 21st Oct 2009, 14:12, More)
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