b3ta.com user Mozchops
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Profile for Mozchops:
Profile Info:

I'm male, 34, generally hungover and I really, really like women. And Guinness. And wine. Cider's also good.

Dislikes poking himself in the eye.

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» And that's the thanks I got

The ones with beaks.

I feed them bread a'plenty all through the year and they show their gratitude by pooting all over my windscreen.

The little feathered fucks.
(Thu 24th May 2007, 13:01, More)

» The Weird Kid In Class

Talcum Powder Porn Fiend
I was 13 so couldn't resist when Aaron tempted me round the back of the Art Block with a porn mag. (Aaron was also 13, in case you're wondering ...)

Not having seen much porn before I was increadibly excited and as the mag came out of his bag I was overwhlemed with a sweet smell. "What's that?" I asked, pointing to the fluffy white dollops on the pages.

"It's talcum powder on my cum so the pages don't stick together".

10 out of 10 for thought, but what sort of a freak shows your mate a porno which is 70% jiz and 10% Brut 33 talc? Now I can't have a wank without spraying on some CK One first. Aaron, you utter bastard.
(Fri 19th Jan 2007, 14:12, More)

» Other people's diaries

Adrian Mole's Secret Diary
It was shit. He didn't even get to finger Pandora, or whatever her name was.

Length? Fuck knows, but he used to measure it a lot.
(Fri 2nd Feb 2007, 8:52, More)

» Why should you be fired from your job?

Five Finger Opportunist
Someone told me that in his last job, some guy worked late, went into his bosses office and had a tug over a picture of 'Mrs Boss'. She must've been a bit of a babe as he spat his Jiz on the framed photo and left it on the desk.

A number of staff were questioned, but he was the prime suspect (having set the alarm that night). When questioned on whether this was his 'liquid', he replied "yeah .... so what?".

Amazingly, he kept his job and became an office hero.
(Wed 15th Aug 2007, 8:49, More)

» Crazy Relatives

My Dad said he once smeared some hot English mustard on a cats arse to see what would happen.

"I thought he'd run around backwards with his tail in the air".

Oh, and as per a previous post, he killed my brother's pet rabbit, skinned it, cooked it and served it up for dinner one night.

That man can never receive enough love on Father's Day. The man's a loon and a genius.
(Wed 11th Jul 2007, 8:58, More)
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