» Pubs

Face Plant
Some years back, I had a friend who was a dedicated drinker (as was I). He was wandering back from the bar with four pints (a feat I've still not mastered, I can only carry three), when he tripped over.

He managed to save the pints with narry a drop spilt. By letting his head pass between his arms and hit the floor first. Legend.
(Sat 7th Feb 2009, 20:10, More)

» When animals attack...

Ah, good little kitten
Some years back, my dad had kneehole surgery performed on his knee. This required two small incisions, one either side of the kneecap.

Around about the same time, we acquired a new cat. This cats mother was pure-bred siamese. The father was never identified, but put an end to the pure-breed of that family line. So we acquired a half-siamese thug, with full grown ears, which we promptly name Gizmo (Think "Gremlins").

Gizmo liked to climb up people. And she didn't care whether you had trousers on or not, she'd just get her sharp little claws engaged and climb up your legs.

When my dad went back to the hospital for a check-up a few weeks later, they couldn't identify which of the *numerous* scars on his legs were actually the ones from the surgery.

Gizmo has always been evil though. She's managed to attack and bring into the house (through a catflap and a foot long tunnel) a live adult seagull.
(Sun 5th Jun 2005, 8:12, More)

» It's not me, it's the drugs talking

Halucinating at 6
Back, many years ago, I was six years of age. Not normally an age associated with drug taking.

However, I also had a bad cough at the time, that was keeping me awake at nights. My parents duly took me to the doctor who prescribed a cough medecine for me, but instructed my parents to give me the adult dosage. I do not know the name of the cough sirrup (around about 1984), but it was later discovered to cause hallucinations in children. At the childrens dose...

My parents were good parents. When their child came into their room in the middle of the night, complaining of snakes under the bed, they did the parent thing. They took my back to my room. They turned on the lights. They lifted the covers. Well, I'm telling you, I could still see the snakes.

That, and several other lurid dreams. There was a colour of blue which I've never seen outside of those experiences, and most other things were more made up of pen strokes than anything else.

Reason why it took my for years to discover this explanation: a) My uncle had a drink spiked with *something*, at a party, and he's still not right after ~20 years (thus putting me off experimenting for a good time), and b) my parents just assumed I knew about this medecine problem until casually bringing it up in conversation when I was 22ish.
(Sat 17th Dec 2005, 18:43, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

The more I read, the more I remember
Had my new bike. I decided to go and ride it up in the playground of my school (about 8 at the time).

Started the stupid (come on, other people must have done this?) game of riding around in fast, tight circles.

Eventually, the inevitable happens. One of the peddles hits the ground (once the angle has got severe enough), and myself and the bike part company.

Wandered home with the knackered bike, and the knackered legs, but tried to think of something else to explain the injuries.
(Mon 6th Sep 2004, 20:34, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

Finally remembered a non-car-related one
I was about 6. We were at my grandparents house. I cant remember whether we were staying there, or elsewhere, but I know the usual "kids" room was off-limits (as was the rest of the top floor).

Where was I? The top floor. Mucking about. My sister called me downstairs. I thought, "What's the best way to get downstairs? I'll slide down the banister". Now, this banister was tempting, given the floors it passed through, so I hitched a leg over, and started my descent.

So far as we can work out, I made it to the first corner. There, apparently, I slipped straight into the gap between opposite flights, knocked myself out on the stairs, and dropped straight down, between the flights, to land in a heap at my sisters feet, head first.

Obviously, my arrival was a little quicker than my sister had expected, and a little more violent, so she went to the sitting room to explain, to my parents and grandparents, that her brother had just arrived suddenly at her feet. *They didn't believe her*

Apparently, they only came out into the hall to inspect the damage once I started coming round, and started making a lot of noise.

I managed to get a fairly bad concusion from that one, but was convinced for years that I had only fallen down three steps...
(Mon 6th Sep 2004, 20:29, More)