b3ta.com user timewasterboy
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Lacking all graphical skills I mostly skulk about, adding the odd link here and there!

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» Evil Pranks

School boy larks
This was suprisingly effective. All we did was paper the school with a teacher's name.

Just his last name. On little scraps of paper stuck onto pipes as you walked past. Or dropped as cryptic litter.

The effect? Every class he took would be asking him why his name was everywhere. He had no answer.

And gradually the posters started saying 'Teacher's Name for President' 'For Pope' 'has been abducted by Aliens'.

All culminating with a giant 'TEACHER'S NAME' in A4 sized letters taped above the lunch counter just before break (had to run like the blinders to get downstairs in time to stroll into the hall just behind the teacher and the Headmaster).

Its a bit like Chinese water torture, the young kids especially became completely unteachable as they pestered the teacher to find out what was going on.

Click 'I like this' if you like abstract pranks.
(Fri 14th Dec 2007, 0:40, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

Under the bridge in Shepherd's Bush someone had climbed up to write on one of the music posters.

You know the one with Justin stomping on a disco ball? "take that dignity" had been added in a speech bubble. Legend.
(Mon 7th May 2007, 9:30, More)

» My first experience of porn

messy porn
Back when I was just a nipper...

All the lads were gathered round for an historic evening of watching our first ever porno movie. Unfortunately, our host (lets call him 'Bob' because thats his name) has forgotten that his Mum is due home.

She walks through the door and the TV remote flicks over to BBC just in time to stop her walking in on the porno viewing.

Bob's Mum goes off to make everyone cups of tea and the porn reappears.

Mum comes back with the tea and the TV returns to normal healthy viewing.

Unfortunately, when Mum hands round the cups of tea Bob stretches his hand out from underneath his blanket to take the cuppa... shame he's got a bit carried away under there and has jizz dripping off his fingers.

Good of Bob's Mum to pretend not to notice though.
(Sun 28th Jan 2007, 21:17, More)

» Strict Parents

My parents weren't all that strict, just classic liberal do-gooder parents. But they didn't like violence. Really didn't like violence. And whilst they found it easy enough to keep me and my bro from watching most of the naughty films that were on late, there was one consistent challenge to their authority.


It was on too early, so we knew it was there. It was on every week, and every other bugger at school always watched it. It had a referee with a silly accent that made my dad laugh, so he figured we should probably be allowed to watch it.

Eventually, my mum cracked. Me and my brother settled down to see what all the excitement was about. It. Was. Brilliant. By the time the first adbreak came on we were both pretty hyped.

At that point my mum walked in to find me and my brother, both stood on the coffee table, both holding long circular cushions, and both beating the living shit out of each other with them in a great impression of our favourite Gladiators. We never did get to watch it again after that.
(Sun 11th Mar 2007, 17:18, More)

» Mad Stuff You've Done To Get Someone To Sleep With You

Got very wet
Night before I'm due to go on holiday and it seems a REMOTE POSSIBILITY that I might get some.

Sooo I decide to first of all get into town from North london.

Then abandon my mates in the pub who I'm shortly to go on holiday with.

Then get the tube half way across town again.

Then run for about ten minutes through a small tropical rainstorm that was visiting Britain on it's holidays.

I arrive at said girl's flat absolutely dripping wet, and have to change out of all my nice clothes into umm, some spare t-shirt and unflattering shorts of her bro's. And she still doesn't use me getting naked as an excuse to jump me.

Much TV watching and 'yawn and stretch' later I finally get her to sleep with me. Which of course means ringing my friends, claiming I'm stuck due to the weather, and 'yes I will definitely be back in time to get the flight tomorrow'.

So I have to run back across town, getting rained on again, at 6am the next morning, getting the first tube.

WHY? Because she was a friggin lesbian who'd held out on me for years, that's why. Length? Well, it seemed impressive to her, she'd only slept with girls previously.
(Tue 17th Apr 2007, 0:05, More)
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