b3ta.com user Doesammy Cunderpen
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» Sex Toys

I worked in a sex shop..
My friend runs a sex shop in Birmingham. One day he needed someone to manage the store for a few weeks while he took a vacation. That person was ME...
Anyway I had worked there before and knew most of the day to day running, knew most of the regular customers and was in need of some serious cash injection.
The store sold a wide selection of adult happy gifts, from the vibrators, anal plugs, beads, lubes, chains, whips, magazines, videos and a lot more. However one section he had due to customer demand was the adult baby section. Yeah..AB's - this is something I have huge reservations about and I'm pretty open minded.
One day while re-stocking the triple ripple butt plug shelf a man walks in, (the typical punter non-nondescript, reasonably dressed) and buys a large quantity of adult baby nappies, a few dummies, anal beads and a lot of lube. I sell him the goods, package it up in discreet bags and off he toddles out the door, all without saying a word, and with vacant stare..very slightly creepy

Anyway a few months later I get run over by a twat in a 4x4. After some days in hospital and weeks in plaster and a police investigation etc I go in search of a solicitor. After finding one and arranging a meeting I walk into one of the finest law establishments that Birmingham can offer, and who is sitting at the table with their law partners to discuss my case - Mr Adult Baby.

oooh yes... I laughed like a loon when exiting the building. I have no idea to this day if he recognised me, though he was a dam good lawyer.

Adult babies and furries are the only things that creep me out.
(Wed 23rd May 2012, 0:29, More)

» Expensive Weekends

A few moons ago
I was dating a girl from birmingham, she was a bit classy a bit posh.
We decided to go away for the weekend as it was her birthday, i booked a fancy posh hotel,l had everything arranged paid for etc presents, bubbly, resturants booked etc etc.

However a few days before hand she dumped me.. So I went off on my own being had paid for it all I had forked out about £800 already. So i returned her presents got money back flew up to scotland and spent her birthday money on private dancers in a strip club total spent about £1300 and I had a really good time.

I think as I don't remember much
(Thu 13th May 2010, 19:05, More)

» The best thing I've built

meccano and a broken radio controlled car
I made a radio controlled bedroom door opener at the age of 12, as I was too lazy to open and close my bedroom door.

I also was interested in radio about that time and realised using my Chinese walky talkies and a copper wire attached to the telephone poll at the end of the garden, which was wrapped around the aerial of the walky talky, would extend the range..I lived on top of a big hill.. my friends and I could run a pirate radio station from my bedroom and destroy what everyone was listening to around the classic fm range..within a certain distance of my house..hahaha until a neighbour complained...

I worked as a technician for the NEC in B'ham for a while and everything we had to make there was held together with gaffer tape or ratchet straps.. most things generally only survived a few hours. Best thing i made there in down time over the summer when we were meant to be doing repairs was A cross bow, also a hover craft.
(Sat 13th Oct 2012, 0:59, More)

» Driven to Madness

I work in the Mental Health sector
I got given the chance to provide a back to work, workshop for people who suffer with mental health via a well known mental health charity. The workshops run every 2 months and repeat, with 1 on 1 support and a drop in group provided on a separate day. The workshop is based around my training in counselling as you can't exactly teach some one with mental health to just get a job you have to work with them to discover what they want and go on from there. The first workshop was extremely successful and everyone who attended it is getting a lot of support in the work they are currently doing.
I only get paid for the hours I teach however I spend most of my time out and about promoting the workshop with charities, organisations and other people in the mental health sector to gain clients to attend the workshops..
The meetings go as follow..
I walk in show them the workshop, what it incorporates, the packs the clients work through, the support that is given and also the extra support they can have if they are experiencing problems along side getting back to work and the support we provide in the workplace.. this is a free service for any one who attends the workshops..etc etc etc
The charities and organisations are falling all over it as no one else is offering this type of person centered care workshop in my area.. and promise me to send me lots of their clients who are in the situation of finding work but are battling with certain mental illnesses but wanting to get back out there and do something...
Do I get any application forms back from these organisations? Do I fudge...I may get one or two application forms back, but then the clients do not turn up, when contacting their care co-ordinaters I find out they have booked them on another course on the same day... for fucks sake.
I even was at a conference the other day promoting this workshop and a women came to talk to me about it and said "I should promote it more as she did not know about it and has lots of client's that could come to the workshop".. I had a fucking meeting with her 4 weeks ago about the service I provide.

I told her the above without the expletives. I sat in an empty room today for 3 hours expecting clients and a charity organisation to turn up today.. no one..

Also people who say the letter H. Its pronounced aitch not fucking Haitch

LLoyds bank, are you just a bunch of silly numb nuts?

Also me for not putting in comers in the sentences I write .. twat.
(Wed 10th Oct 2012, 23:38, More)

» War

Working at the NIA one day..
I was on my lunch and went with my work mate down to the local hardware shop as he needed to get a small hatchet to chop up kindling or his fire place.

Later that evening,.
We had been on the beers and were taking a walk up broad street. Now my work mate is a lovely chap, kind gentle but has had a dark side to his life. To describe him i would say he isn't rotund its a combination of muscle and a slight beer belly, but built like brick house made of poo. he is about 5ft 10.

On our way up road street 3 big guys walk towards us, and demand money and try kicking off. (bear in mind this is the middle of Brum Friday night, lots of people, police dotted around etc). He reaches in to his coat pulls out the hatchet....the look of pure evil and death on his face and says "You go that way we'll go this way" - the 3 guys have the look of needing their mum and slowly back away. My friend puts the hatchet back in his coat and off he toddles...It took me a few seconds of what the fuck happened....before I caught up with him

I miss those days...
(Thu 31st May 2012, 16:44, More)
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