b3ta.com user Dan of the Crippled Nipples
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» Other people's diaries

I'm going to hell... I was a fucking jizzface.
I read Teh Daily Mail once, didn't mean to, didn't intend to, and didn't want to. Spur of the moment thing... I'm so sorry. But I de-eye-ified myself with a rusty spoon just to get over the guilt. Also did a fun university presentation/rant on how evil the dirty shit of a paper is.
(Sat 3rd Feb 2007, 19:05, More)

» Political Correctness Gone Mad

At the cinema...
I hate these new OTT guidelines that say: "May contain scenes of mild peril" or some other crap - someone who suffers from Mild Peril Syndrome won't get out their front door never mind all the way to the pixtures. Another one I saw was the nuts, in Mr Bean's Holiday: "Contains irresponsible behaviour" - I, like, shit you not, man. What's next? "May potentially contain one vague reference to an idea in the field of Wood Studies which has been frowned upon by the government for 3 months in 1976, thus making this a BAD thing for anyone to view in a motion picture" !!1
(Tue 27th Nov 2007, 1:58, More)

» Accidental innuendo

A certain politics lecturer of mine has an unfortunate but extremely LOL name:
(but does this really count for the Q?)
Dr Mycock - sounds like a b3ta Img chalinj.
The possibilities are endless with that one!

"I liek Mycock"...
"Where's Mycock"...
"Mycck is quite intelligent"...
"Mycock has his own office"...
(Thu 12th Jun 2008, 12:49, More)

» Shoplifting

aged 7, one pack of Hubba Bubba GOT CAUGHT

aged 6 - 8, loadsa choccy from a supermarket checkout MANY A SUCCESS

who sezcrime don't pay?
(Sat 12th Jan 2008, 22:49, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

Feckin lyin' bitches
No identification will be made of the feline victim in this post.

Apparently the rest of my family love our old moggy as much as I do [awww...]. Until a few certain incidents occurred. They WERE, mostly, accidental happenings.

1: Our cat's nostrils were exposed at close range, by my ma, to orange peel and hair tonic - just 'to see what she'll do'. Poor thing went nuts, what, with super cat senses and that.

2: My moher and slag of a sister decided to inspect a burr or summat at the base of kitteh's tail, but on poking it a finger was hideously close to going somewhere awry and the reult was an annoyed "MRRRRRowww!" and a fine projectile eruption of 'arse gravy'.

3: long story short. Cat. 2 horrible women. "Let's see how moggles reacts" (not the cat's name). Lifted by all 4 legs as though ready to spit-roast. Result - 1 angry, confused kittin.

That's all they did to puss though. But: accidents or a conspiracy?
(Thu 6th Dec 2007, 15:44, More)
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