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» Terrible Parenting

Creamy Discharge
Similar event only - turn the tables.

I was once married to a woman who already had four children. We went off the east coast one hot summer's day, in the early eighties. On the way back, the children, tired and hot were whinging like gooduns. This, of course, made driving all the more uncomfortable. At length, I found a convenient lay-by and I pulled the aging CitroŽn Dyane into it. I parked up and lectured the children about the fuss they were making. I finished up with "If you don't be quiet, I will put you out and you can all walk home!"

I gunned the motor (well! As much as you can gun a Dyane :) ), slipped the clutch and away we went. Not a peek was heard from them! Not a murmur. I was congratulating myself on my parental powers when I heard an almost whisper "What has that light come on for?" as I applied the brakes to pull up outside our house.

When the wife and I got out of the car, there was no immediate evidence of the children. It seems that, under the acceleration from the lay-by, the seat rolled backwards and tipped them in the boot, then came back empty. They thought that I had done it deliberately.
(Mon 20th Aug 2007, 6:39, More)

» Terrible Parenting

Not so sure that this is 'Bad Parenting'
Bloody made me laugh at the time...

Centuries ago, when we were kids, my sister (K) pestered my mother for porridge.

"I'm not getting porridge, you won't eat it!" Mum would cry.

"I will!" promised K.

This exchange was carried on for several days until Mum relented.

So! One fine morning, porridge was cooked for breakfast. It was presented to K with a warning. "You had better eat this, or I'll tip it up on your head!"

I waited - eagerly.

Yep! K did not like the porridge and Mum, true to her word, emptied the lot over K's head.

Of course, this meant that a bath and hair wash were in order before school. So I was dispatched off to school having been instructed to take the message to K's teacher that she would be late.

This I did (always try to be reliable, me!), with great enjoyment. I informed her teacher in front of K's entire class - loudly! I described every little detail, much to the amusement of all K's classmates. What a TWAT! Eh?

Ribbed for weeks the poor girl!
(Fri 17th Aug 2007, 5:50, More)

» Terrible Parenting

My Ex-Father in Law's Favourite was...
"It's enough to make a black man eats his young!"

Tsk! Tsk!

And they say "the GOOD ol' Days"! Eh?
(Fri 17th Aug 2007, 11:36, More)

» Sleepwalking

Not me ... a room mate.
Years ago, I stationed at Kinloss, I loved the place. The bastards have knocked the NAAFI down and built a new one... I digress, sorry!

Anyhoo! We were living in four man rooms and this one lad whom I shall call Jerry, for I really can't remember his real name, used to sleepwalk. A lot! An awful lot! In fact, practically every night. It was the purpose of the sleepwalking that was the problem. You see, at that time, most people drank - lots. In fact Jerry's first action on waking, was to crack a can of lager (worrying, I know, and I really hope that he got on top of that). well, you probably can guess what is going to happen here, but I'll tell you anyway! I was awakened in the early hours of the morning one night by the sound of running water. Upon investigation, I find a urinating Jerry facing my opened locker! Yep! He is peeing all over my boots, shoes and, worst of all, the uniform I was to wear in the morning.

I, of course, reacted in a manner suitable for a person in my situation, until, that is, I realised that he was in fact asleep! The fumblings immediately beforehand was Jerry, in his head, walking to the ablutions - only in reality, he was bouncing around our room!

I locked my locker after that and managed to steer him in the right direction most nights.

As for length... He was stood right in the door of me fookin' locker!!
(Thu 23rd Aug 2007, 7:00, More)

» Terrible Parenting

Bleach!
I remember, when I was,oooh, about six Mum suspected there was some bleach missing from the bottle. My Dad's logical explanation?

AsADie must have drunk it!

Solution?

Make him vomit!

So! I am called to the bathroom and forced to drink a pint of warm, salty water. I manage about half before the entire contents of the stomach ended up in the bowl. Thanks Dad! I didn't drink the bleach.

Funny thing is - modern thinking would have us frowning at inducing vomiting in such a case.

On a plus though! My father would always be there, rubbing the back of a child that got up in the night to be sick - every time. Thing was, when I first left home (joined up), and was sick (alcohol induced 'course :D), he was miles away at home not with me! Sounds silly now - but I really did miss him! He's gone for good now and I still miss him!
(Fri 17th Aug 2007, 18:18, More)
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