b3ta.com user girlinthehole
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» Food sex

I can't get into the idea of food and sex together.
I just know that after ten minutes of playful pottering around with the contents of the fridge with my partner, I would be chowing down on the left over tuna pasta while he forlornly finishes himself off by the tumble dryer.
(Mon 10th Aug 2009, 21:39, More)

» Evil Pranks

Definitly the worst...
Mother nature is the most evil prankster there is. At the age of 42 when all my bits are saggy and I'm no longer nubile and unsullied it's given me a raging libido that Jack Nicholson would be hard pressed to keep up with. Where was it 20 years ago when I was unlined and unfettered by control knickers and anti-aging products, when all I wanted to do in bed was sleep for 10 hours and only alcohol made me gagging for it.

Tis a cruel, cruel thing is mother nature.

Here I am climbing the walls having reached my sexual peak and I'm too old for the young guys and too old for the old guys. By the time I've saved up for plastic surgery I'll be in my fifties and even further down the pecking order of totty.

And all cold showers do is make my nipples stand to attention!

(Tue 18th Dec 2007, 11:55, More)

» Unexpected Nudity

*lifts up top*

*jiggles boobies*

*runs away*

No point clicking on this. It will only get taken off if it wins.

Edit - the post, not my top.
(Thu 28th May 2009, 15:07, More)

» The Weird Kid In Class

Not very funny story
In junior school I became friends with the class weirdo - mainly because I was a lovely girl and did't like the idea of this person having no friends. She had dirty blonde hair that looked like she cut it herself and she was short and fat. Her name was Marilyn and she would wet herself in class and swear at the teachers. Now this was in the 70's when swearing at teacers just wasn't done. Her mother died when she was a baby and she lived with her father further down the road on our estate. I can't remember the details but she commited suicide a year or two later. Imagine wanting to die when your only a child and having the guts to carry it out. I can still see her chubby face and remember the awful clothes she used to wear. And I still wonder if there was more I could have done to stop her.

I remember you Marilyn.
(Fri 19th Jan 2007, 11:44, More)

» The Great Outdoors

Does a B3tan shit in the woods.
After far too much beer last night I had to get up early and take my parent's Jack Russells for a walk this morning. Half way along the popular route for dog walkers I felt my stomach rumbling and arse bubbling and knew what was coming. Finding a secluded spot amongst the trees and behind a pile of fallen logs I checked several times no one was about and pulled my pants down, leant back on the tree and did the deed.

Ever tried shitting diarrhoea while not getting any on your shoes and keeping two inquisitive Jack Russells away from your arse by shouting, 'get the squirrels, get the fucking squirrels'.

I hate pooping outside : (
(Sat 31st Mar 2012, 20:29, More)
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