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» Faking it

I'm watching you

(Tue 15th Jul 2008, 1:30, More)

» Eccentrics

Oil Be Back
A friend of mine, Chris related this story to me:

He's part of a very traditional family, in that him, his old brother, Phil, and younger brother are expected to follow in his dad's trade of choice - working as an engineer on oil rigs. Since his dad has been working there so long, he was able to use his connections to get Phil, and more recently Chris, jobs working on the same rig in Scotland for Exxon.

They're often out there for months at a time, and as you can imagine, it's pretty isolated and can be quite boring when you're not working a shift. Whenever their shift breaks overlap, Chris's family - his dad, Phil and him, would relax in the break area provided by Exxon, and took to performing little magic tricks to pass the time. They are pretty competitive guys and would each try to better the trick performed by the others.

Eventually, they began working together, colluding in a big trick that required all three of them. Now I've seen this trick first hand, and let me tell you it makes David Blaine look like an underperforming children's entertainer. Anyway, the complexity of the trick means that they are constantly practicing, improving and refining it whenever they get the time on the rig. I'm not sure what exactly they're hoping to achieve, or if they'll ever perform it in public, but I think working as team helps them bond more as a family.

A couple of months ago, a new guy started work on the rig by the name of Gary. A rather rotund, Scottish fellow, Gary was, by the sound of it, fairly lonely with few family or friends back home. He got on fairly well with Phil (they worked in the same team, and partook in a good bit of friendly banter), so he got to know the whole family and began tagging along with them, to the point of annoyance.

One day, the family were once again practicing their big magic trick on the Exxon oil rig when Gary walked passed the window and peered through, quite curious as to what they were doing - "I'm curious", he said, "what are you doing?". To which Chris's Dad replied:

"Fuck off Gary, none of your business."
(Tue 4th Nov 2008, 15:15, More)

» Mistaken Identity

Wrong band mate
Leeds Festival, several years ago...

A great day of bands had just ended with Metallica. As the crowds stumbled back to their tents in the dark, we wandered into a tent in the arena and settled down on the grass to watch a midnight showing of Donnie Darko.

It may have been the heat of that August summers day. Perhaps it was violent mosh pits he had experienced that evening. Or maybe it was the cocktail of alcohol and narcotics that Yan had consumed that day. Most probably, it was a combination of them all.

Looking around him and then squinting towards the screen at the front, he took a puff of the large jazz cigaratte he was holding and uttered the now infamous line,

"'ere, is this still Metallica?"
(Fri 1st Jun 2007, 12:10, More)

» Shoplifting

You Are Being Watched
A good friend of mine after a night out, living up to the student stereotype, decides to steal a road sign...

and ends up on BBC1

(Tue 15th Jan 2008, 21:50, More)

» Ripped Off

Expensive Wank
After spending another lonely Friday night listening to my room mate banging a girl he had met on faceparty I decided enough was enough and made the decision to hit some porn.

After trawling through the endless crap available I came across a nice little website detailing the lives and tribulations of a number of babysitters. The previews looked good and it was only $1 for a seven day account.

Out came the credit card and bang I’ve got porn...or so i thought. The 7 day account only allows streamed content of one video and after 10 minutes of eager waiting there is still no porn!

I notice that if I upgrade now I can get access to all the porn on the site so in my eager horny state I press upgrade and bang $30 gone. The video quickly loads and I alleviate myself in the proper fashion.

The guilt then kicks in... What have i done? I have just paid for porn! The excitement is now well and truly gone so i decide to cancel the account in case i end up spending the rest of the shopping budget.

i felt well and truly ripped off paying $31 to wank myself off!
(Mon 19th Feb 2007, 14:37, More)
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