» Spoilt Brats

I was spoilt
I had this shitty little job at some pisspot banana republic embassy. For some reason I managed to catch someones eye and I was invited to this little soiree.

I had to spend a fortune hiring this fancy pants cocktail dress and diamonds (fake) just to keep up and not look like a total dweeb.

Anyways I get to the do, and it is incredible. The opulence and stinking wealth was sicking, there were several celebrities and members of various royal families. Seriously these dos were some what noted in society.

I am just wondering around looking jobsmacked, it was like one of those moments when you see peoples mouths moves but the words are just out of synch.

I am wondering around when I happen to bump into the ambassador who is running this shindig. I am at a loss for words when suddenly this waiter waltzes by with a veritable pyramid of nutty chocolates.

The ambassador looked at me and the place seemed to go silent and I was almost lost for words.

I grabbed a nutty chocolate and said

Why ambassador, you is really spoiling us


Sorry - First time, excitement and all that, give me an hour or so and I am sure I can try again.
(Sat 11th Oct 2008, 21:16, More)

» Unexpected Nudity

I have been trying to think of a story when I remembered this, it all happened a long time ago.
I was with a large group mixed of n’er do wells and militants a right mixed bunch, I even think one was even royalty in some place that didn’t even exist anymore, thing was we had a job to decommission some generator. Now this generator for some reason was in the back end of beyond in this huge forest. I can’t quite remember the details but me and my mate had somehow become separated from the rest of the group.
I wasn’t too bothered as my mate was a technological and computer genius and could no doubt do the job alone, despite the fact he had been shot in the head a few months back. This did make him somewhat rude and we did have a kind of love/hate relationship, but somehow we just always ended up together.
Anyways there we were lost in this forest when we stumbled upon some of the natives who lived in these parts, they took pity on us and took us back to their village. They seemed to be in somewhat awe of my modern look and we hung around for a bit to see if they could help us find the rest of our group.
By some coincidence it appears that the rest of the group had got captured by our native friends and had been brought back to the village. It was around this stage I found out that, with my cunning linguistic talents, I could do some rudimentary communication with our little native pals and I discovered they thought it would be a good idea to cook up the rest of the group for a feast in our honour.
Not really knowing what to do in these circumstances one of my mates told me to tell them to tell them I was divine. His other mate thought this would be a good idea and was anxious to see what would happen.

So really you could say...

Han expected a new diety

Luca luca luca yub yub!

Very very sorry, but come on Star Wars and a pun, do I win a prize?
(Fri 29th May 2009, 16:14, More)

» Buses

Long story short
Me and the lads had just done an amazing caper through europe. It was pure class. At one stage we had half the police force after us but we managed to elude them. We were on a serious high. It was a real tight nit club of guys really looking after themselves.
Anyways we find ourselves making an escape from the madness on this old bus, going through swizerland on this crazy mountain road, one like you see on the movies, it was real scarey and the bus driver was not laying off the gas. The wheels were screeching and then the inevitable happend and the driver send the bus into a skid leaving the back end of the bus teetering over the edge of a cliff.
All our stuff was in the back and I wanted it.
So I said, hand on a minute lads, I've got a great idea.
(Sat 27th Jun 2009, 6:59, More)