» The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade

Liquid gold
Many years ago I worked for one of the booze providing companies at Ascot racecourse.

If you have a box at the racecourse you HAVE to buy your booze from this mob, no choice. You ain't allowed to bring your own. And boy, can those fuckers charge - they make a wounded bull look like a cute kitten.

Anyway, this mob had a couple of really good scams. In the bowls of the cellars they had a couple of rather useful machines that allowed them to do two thigs.

Number 1.

Re-cork champagne bottles. Very simple - take cheap bubbles, add a small amount of red food colouring and say Abracadabra! Hey presto - pink champagne, that you can charge double the price for.

Number 2.

Put new screw caps on spirit bottles. This ones very handy. Every day starts with virgin bottles of gin/rum/whisky/whatever. The night before, the partially empty bottles are replaced with the new ones. Alas, not a virgin bottle, they've been well fucked. Todays bottles are yesterdays, topped up and re-capped.

Why is that a scam? You are charged for a full bottle, regardless of how much has actually been drunk. And, as I'm sure you will have guessed, what it gets topped up with ain't the good stuff. Cheapest crap they could get, bought in bulk.

So, there ya go. When you're rich enough to have a box at Ascot, there's some syphilitic scrotes who are going to rip you off.

I wonder if anyone will be surprised to learn that this mob pay absolute bare minimum wages. You aren't surprised? Well ain't that just spooky.
(Fri 28th Sep 2007, 12:32, More)