b3ta.com user Mr Nerdy-Speccy-FuckNuts
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(this is something i made for a friend)

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» Babysitters

This works best when you don't have children...
For a bit of fun, hire a babysitter and simply tell them that your child (that doesn't exist) is upstairs sleeping and should not be woken. Then when you get home later that evening, go mental and ask where the child has gone.
(Thu 28th Oct 2010, 14:11, More)

» Pubs

I once went to a pub
As i walked in i noticed something that caught my eye. It was a sign above the bar.
Pint Of Carling - £2.20
Chicken Sandwhich - £3.50
Handjob - £10.00
As you can imagine i was excited to say the least. Especially as the 3 girls working behind the bar were undeniably beautiful.
"shit!" i checked my pockets and found 2 measly pounds! This was not enough. I was a student and times were tough and times were even more tough when you forgot to go to the bank on the way to the local.
I asked round a few aquaintances that i had come to know through uni and eventually reached the needed amount for the one thing that would make my night spectacular.
I walked over to the bar with a huge smile that cherie blair would of been proud of.
I beckoned one of the gorgeous blondes working behind the bar over to where i was stood.
"excuse me, are you one of the girls that gives handjobs?" i asked nervously
"yes i am" she purred
"well wash your fucking hands i want a chicken sandwich"

It tasted delicious. That was a good night.
(Fri 6th Feb 2009, 18:00, More)

» The Credit Crunch

I've stopped masturbating into socks
and now just catch it in my hand before washing it off under the tap.
Therefore saving much needed money on;
1-new socks
2-washing powder
Hopefully i'll get a girlfriend soon and she can become my new cumbucket, resulting in pregnancy and then benefits win!

Take THAT Credit Crunch!
(Sun 25th Jan 2009, 2:04, More)

» Unusual talents

I am really good
at growing body hair and then beautifully shaving it into complex artistic shapes.

Photo in replies.
(Sat 20th Nov 2010, 15:25, More)

» Hypocrisy

I said the old....
'Would you jump off a bridge if they told you to?' to my little brother

two days after i'd been forced into a charity bungee jump by workmates that i didnt even like.
(Mon 23rd Feb 2009, 12:13, More)
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