» Best Graffiti Ever

From a wall in New York...
Someone had written "NIGGER'S OUT", completed underneath in a separate hand with "BUT HE'LL BE BACK LATER".

Pop! My first post!
(Sun 6th May 2007, 20:59, More)

» Karma

Fat Cunt
Whilst enjoying Sunday lunch at a local restaurant with my wife and daughter, I popped outside for a post-main course cigarette. Now the restaurant was on a corner of a busy, but flowing junction therefore there was often traffic waiting to turn just by the ashtrays.

Nicotine heaven was interrupted by the noise of a clapped out Escort with a big bore exhaust having the shit revved out of it waiting to turn right. Now slightly annoyed, I was even more pissed off when the chants of "FAT CUNT" were hailed through the open windows by the four chavs within (note - I'm sure that I could lose a couple of pounds, it creeps up on you as you get older, but not fat and I wont get into the cunt argument ;-) ).

Just as I was about to flick my cig end into their car, it wheel spun away thereby missing my opportunity for petty revenge.

How I laughed as the Transit van ploughed into the side of the fuckers at speed. Dessert was even sweeter watching the Ambulance service scrape the bastards off the road from my vantage point in the restaurant.

P.S. No one died.
(Sun 24th Feb 2008, 20:48, More)

» Cheap Tat

Lessons learned...
Cheap tat exists for a reason. If there was no demand, no bastard would make/sell it. I reckon that there are two types of people who go out and get things on the cheap:

1. Pikeys
2. People like me

Here are some cautionary tales of how I ended up falling into category number two...

I've never believed in cutting corners on a big purchase. It was either the best or nothing for me, I was happy to pay out £x of my hard earned even if it meant cutting back for a while until I got the money together.
Back in my school days, I worked all hours in part time jobs to fund my Nintendo and video habit. Feeling flush and cocky one day, I walked into my local Sony centre and offered them £900 for for over £1,000 worth of TV and video kit (I like to haggle!) which was duly accepted. This was back in 1995 and as of 2008, the TV and video have now been passed on to the fourth family member and are still going strong.
Fast forward many years from 1995 and it's now time to get a new telly. A nice fuck off great LCD TV, HD, all the bollocks. As I'm kitting out my new house with all the usual white goods as well as the telly, I end up with a nice discount, a wall mount for the telly, some nice SCART cables and a free tumble dryer. The telly was £2,000 of that purchase.
Eighteen months later, the bastard broke. The repair bill? £725. TV prices have dropped dramatically in that eighteen months, so much so that I can get an equivalent model brand new for less than the repair bill. I'm still battling this with Sony now...

And on to other things:
* The nearly new Citroen Saxo that cost me nearly as much in repair bills as I paid for it in the two years I had it.
* The free tumble dryer died a month after the warranty expired.
* The Sky+ box that died ONE DAY out of warranty.
* The £120 Nike Air 360s where one of my cats bit through the air sole and burst it.
* The Roomba "robotic vacuum cleaner" that no longer charges.
* The surround sound system to go with the TV no longer turns on.

And there are so many others. My house is an electronic graveyard.

So fuck it. My advice is:
* Spend £20 on a DVD player, if it lasts a year then great, if not, you can get your money back.
* Get an old German car with full service history for not much money. So far in four years, I've spent £26 on repair bills.
* Fuck Sky and get Freeview.
* Pay peanuts and expect monkeys. You won't be disappointed if whatever you bought doesn't last long but if it does, you'll be very happy.

That's why I buy cheap nowadays - the only thing that could have made it worse is if I'd bought on credit...

Click "I like this" if you agree (or if you think I'm a pikey)
(Tue 8th Jan 2008, 22:25, More)

» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

Just a simple thing...
It was only a day after taking my wife and new daughter home from the hospital (this was after a 24 hour labour that ended in an emergency caesarian and a four day stay) that we decided to venture out for a change of scene. We needed to pick up some baby stuff from John Lewis as Little Miss Fuckst1cks had turned out slightly on the small side and none of the clothes for newborns we had bought fitted.
We had finished our shopping and had headed up to the cafe to queue for coffee and cake. As I was paying, the store manager came over to us, took our tray and shopping bags and cleared us a table with easy pushchair access, set out our drinks and food on the table, and made sure we settled down OK. He also checked on us 15 minutes later to make sure we were OK and if we needed anything else.
So, to the average person this might not seem much, but to me who had spent the last few days running errands to and from the hospital, clearing up the house, fixing up the nursery, and dealing with well wishers, and Mrs. Fuckst1cks who had just had major abdominal surgery, no sleep for five nights and cracked nipples, the John Lewis manager had done the nicest thing by helping out two clueless and knackered new parents getting back to normality.
(Fri 3rd Oct 2008, 22:47, More)

» Common

Chewing and Spitting
Chewing gum - you are not a cow chewing the cud. Stop it. I do not expect to check in to 4/5 star hotel and be greeted by a fat fucking German woman masticating in my face. First impressions last and you never got my business again.
My boss, who I was also friends with had the error of her ways explained to her. I may have called her a pikey over a drunken business meal after she started chomping away at the table. No manners.
And guess what happens when they've finished with the gum? They fucking gob it out on the pavement for some poor bastard to tread in and then spend the morning scraping it off his shoe. Which brings me on to part two - spitting. Why? What makes you feel the need to hawk up phlegm all over the pavement? It's not big, hard, or clever it's disgusting, common, and pikey.
To the Chinese gentleman at Heathrow terminal two in the smoking area who was flicking his fag ash in one paper cup and coughing up greenies every 30 seconds in another, you sir are a dirty cunt. Some poor sod on minimum wage would have had to clear your vile smoking oyster soup away. It was bad enough just listening to the noise you were making let alone go near the stuff.
What the hell is wrong with people sometimes?
(Sat 18th Oct 2008, 22:10, More)