» My Arch-nemesis

Honda accord posters
Not the people who post quite-probably exaggerated, but still often amusing, posts, but the sniping cunts who reply to them with the rather tiring "and then you were sucked off by a supermodel in a Honda Accord".

Even if you had any reason, except being a twat, for posting these comments, you could at least express your disbelief in a manner that doesn't make you look like a catchphrase-spouting moron. I hate you.
(Fri 30th Apr 2010, 18:29, More)

» Well, that taught 'em

My boss told me to get off b3ta
So I wiped my cock around the rim of his cup.
(Fri 27th Apr 2007, 2:11, More)

» Starting something you couldn't finish


I started listening to Strangeways, Here We Come, but I didn't even get to the second song.
(Fri 25th Jun 2010, 6:50, More)

» Strict Parents

I still can't bloody ride one.
My Dad grew up when BMX was the big thing, all of the guys had the damn things, so naturally seeing trophies he's won in (minor) championships, I wanted my own cups made of stainless steel.

So, for my seventh birthday I was given a mountain bike, hooray, except for the fact that I had no idea how to ride one. At this point, I was never allowed out to play with friends, so how did I learn to ride one? My mum taught me. 1 hour a week she would take me out to fall off my bike in the park. Thanks mum, make me look like a spastic with two left feet and a balance disorder in front of the kids from school.

After a few weeks of maoning, she finally let me out on my bike alone while she watched from the window. I lasted outside for around 5 minutes before I went too close to the road.

The bitch sold my bike. And that is why I've claimed to hate bikes passionately for the last decade. The truth is I just can't ride one and haven't tried ever since. She ruined my dreams of being a BMXer. :(
(Wed 14th Mar 2007, 1:40, More)