» Pathological Liars

Jason
I first met Jason in Year 10 when he first joined our school. He had moved from Oxfordshire so nobody in the area already knew him and he was also a year older than us but was put in our year as he had to restart his science GCSE's. When he started at school everyone in the year thought he was a cool older kid so we sort of looked up to him.
Then he started telling his stories, one about how at his old school he set a teachers hair on fire. He later went on to tell my mate that whilst as a professional rollerblader he was sponsored by DC Shoes- if this was true, why would they be sponsoring a professional rollerblader to wear their shoes when NOBODY is gonna see him wearing them?- and could get my mate free DC's if he wanted them. My mate asked him for some and he said that "it wouldnt be worth it because I would have to go all the way to Portsmouth." Eventually, we just let him get on with it because it was funny to hear what he was gonna come up with next. These are all of Jasons lies I can think of so far.

- He said that his brother (who was 14 at the time) was good at rapping and had signed a record deal with Dr. Dre's Aftermath Records. When quizzed about this, his brohter didnt have a clue what we were talking about.
- He later went on to tell us that in a playfight his brother stabbed him in the arm with a kitchen knife, and that when his brother was 10 he punched an 18 year old in the face and broke his jaw.
- He said that he started weight training at a young age and by the time he was 8 he could lift the equivalent of a mini over his head.
- After a trip to the doctors, he told a friend that the doctor said he had a condition called "Unlimited strength" and when he got angry he was able to do things he wouldnt normally be able to do because of this.
- He said that his mother was cleaning his room one day and she apparently found some weighing scales and some small plastic bags and assumed he was a drug dealer. She then waited for him to get home and hit him over the head with a frying pan.
- He later said that he used to be a drug dealer back where he used to live but packed it in after a heroin addict stabbed him in the arm with a needle. Then he said he tried heroin once and realised he should quit drugs because he had "Gone too far".
- He claimed that he had to move from Oxfordshire to our area after one of the local hard kids (in our area) raped his sister. Bear in mind this hard kid would have been about 9 at the time, and why would he travel the 90 minute journey to Oxfordshire specifically to rape her. Even if he had done it, if you were going to move house over it WHY go to the place that your attacker actually lives in now?
- When the laser cutter was delivered during our graphics lesson, he said at his old school, they had one and a kid broke it. Said kids father apparently had to sell his brand new Ferrari to pay for a new laser cutter.
- He joined a friends band on vocals but was later kicked out because he couldnt sing. He told one of the bandmembers he was getting vocal coaching from a well-known jazz singer who had given him a support slot at a gig in London but when asked to name names he wouldnt do it.
- He also used to make frequent references to himself being black even though he wasnt black, he was half-Indian. Everyone knew he was half-Indian and everyone asked him why he did this but he still persisted with it.

After school he said he had got a law scholarship to Cambridge. This obviously wasnt true but nobody stayed in touch with him I dont think. Thinking about it now, I really wish we had because I wanna know what hes doing now.
(Thu 29th Nov 2007, 22:40, More)

» Terrible Parenting

Not so much bad parenting at the moment...
But a girl I work with has recently announced that she is expecting a baby with her boyfriend of about six weeks. She told him she was on the pill and he had no intention of starting a family as he is only in his early 20's. Her family are said to be very excited about the pregnancy (apparently) because his family are quite well off and hers dont have that much money. So its not really bad parenting now but having a child just as an attempt to keep your rich boyfriend is a pretty terrible idea.
(Sat 18th Aug 2007, 23:07, More)

» Housemates

Today
So today I walk down to the kitchen to make some dinner and I notice that all the washing up has been done, all the surfaces have been cleaned and generaly anything that looks untidy has been taken care of.
It turns out that there is going to be an inspection of the communal areas of every flat in our halls tomorrow and the winning flat in each block gets free alcohol of their choice.
One of my flatmates joked that the alcohol would probably end up being the stuff that they couldnt sell in the Students Union and I said to him that I would be annoyed if there wasnt a choice as to what you could have. Just then, another of my flatmates walked in and smugly replied "You dont even get a choice because you didnt contribute."
That may sound fair enough but when the letters about the inspection/competition were given to us nobody said anything about taking part in the competition or anything about cleaning the kitchen so I couldnt have even helped if I wanted to (not that any of the washing up washing up that needed to be done was mine anyway). So if we win anything from this I wont even be allowed it anyway because I wasnt a part of it even though I didnt even know I was.
Not long left until I move out though on the bright side.
(Tue 3rd Mar 2009, 3:39, More)

» Pathological Liars

Mike and Nathan
During my time at college I worked part time at a local Burger King to make some cash. Obviously, a few of my co-workers were not 100% all there but the two strangest were Mike and Nathan, two complete bullshitters.

Mike worked there for about 4 months when I first joined, and claimed that he was fired from his previous job after letting them clingfilm him to the top of a lampost and his boss took two hours out of his wages. In retaliation Mike claimed that he smashed his bosses car up with a sledgehammer.
He claimed that there is an abandoned train carriage under Bath Spa train station thats full of gold but nobody can get to it because its surrounded by poisonous gas and its haunted by the ghost of someone that died on the train.
Once he said he got into a fight in the town centre but when the Police couldnt restrain him, they had to call some off duty squaddies over to help out.
One time, a customer came in and Mike says "That guys a fucking dick, it might all kick off if he sees me here." I asked him why and he says "Well once he was giving me a lift home and the Police pull him over, and theres 2 ounces of skunk in back which he says is mine. I told them it was his and he went down for 2 years."
I cant remember much else he has said because it was a while but he also said that there is an underground city underneath Salisbury Plain big enough to house everyone in our small town and surrounding villages in case war broke out. Bizarrely, this actually turned out to be true.

The following summer, Nathan started working with us. Nathans mum was a drug dealer and I swear he must have been stealing her supplies because he was like Mike x100.
Firstly, he told us that he had been kicked out of school for breaking a teachers jaw (said teacher was about twice his size) and trying to beat another kid to death with a sledgehammer for telling the Police about his mum. When questioned about the sledgehammer incident again he said that he hadnt actually hit the kid but a teacher had found the sledgehammer and merely confiscated it from him.
He told me and another guy that he had been smoking crack from the age of six. This was probably true, because he was near enough anorexic.
We later found out the reason he was so thin was because (apparently) after leaving school he went on a two week speed binge and got so fucked up that he forgot to eat (for two whole fucking weeks) so he was rushed to hospital and put on a MORPHINE drip. He then went on to tell us that he would regularly take the drip out of his arm and by the time he got out he had filled up a Coke bottle which he gave to his girlfriend.
A female cusomer came in and Nathan points at her and says "She hates me, she fucking hates me. I beat the fuck out of her boyfriend twice in the same night". The fact that the customer was in her early/mid twenties and Nathan was a 16 year old drug addict who was barely over 5ft and weighed about 4 stone seemed to make the whole thing less beleiveable.
Finally, he told another kid that his dad used to be the biggest heroin dealer in town until one night some smackheads kneecapped him and robbed him and now he gets around in a wheelchair.
Everyone was happy the day Nathan forgot to turn up to his shift and never came back. Before he left, he gave me his phone number and told me to ring him if I wanted him to get me any "good shit". That was over a year ago now and funnily enough, I still havent phoned him.
(Thu 29th Nov 2007, 16:10, More)

» Stupid Dares

Organised Violence
About 2 or 3 years ago when i was in my last years of school we were bored in a lesson when I jokingly told a friend I would give him £50 to eat a lump of his own shit. This turned into a discussion about how much cash it would take to get someone to eat their own shit or any other stupid things and how (in our adolescent minds) this would make a brilliant tv show. I was slightly fascinated by the idea of it and was talking to some other mates about it at break time when James (who was a bit of a nutcase) started suggesting things we could do to him for cash. Eventually, due to lack of resources he agreed to let one of the harder lads in our group punch him full in the face at lunchtime. He also came up with the idea of people paying a donation to watch it all happen.
During the next few lessons he started to spread the word and by lunchtime there was about 30-40 people in the picnic area waiting to watch, Our school was quite strict and boring and things like this were few and far between. After a few minutes the whole thing was over and everyone went off showing the "hilarious" vidoes on their phone to others and James-who had made enough cash to pay for the admission fee into The Snooker Club on Saturday and a drink or two- went off to plan something more elabourate and dangerous to make money out of for the next day.
And then the shit hit the fan.
The next day at school started with many different people being taken out of lesson and quizzed about the incident in the Heads office. At the time James wasnt getting on with his parents and was staying at a friends house, so the teachers saw it as an attempt to exploit the "Vulnerable homeless kid" even though this wasnt the case. Someone claimed that one of the teachers had been accidently sent the video via Bluetooth but we put it down to James openly inviting people to watch in the middle of his lessons. Eventually both James and the guy that punched him were suspended for a week, the people that were sending the videos round on their phone were given after school detentions and my name wasnt even mentioned once to the teachers despite the whole thing being my idea in the first place.
(Fri 2nd Nov 2007, 20:42, More)