b3ta.com user mercemployee
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» Best Graffiti Ever

pub in manchester
I saw on a toilet wall the other week

"10/03/07 - Chris Akabusa patted me on the fanny and whispered "Awooga" in my ear"

no further explanation to be given, you either get it or you don't
(Fri 4th May 2007, 13:29, More)

» Housemates from hell

the wank board
A guy I lived with for a year at uni had a headboard attached to his bed.

After about six months, the headboard looked like a giant chrysalis, such was the amount of dried jizz he had wiped on it.

When we pointed it out to him, he threw it out of his window into the front garden, bought another one from a local charity shop.... and started all over again.

(Mon 9th Apr 2007, 13:52, More)

» Mistaken Identity

World Cup 1998
Whilst this was going on in France, I was walking down the road with a mate of mine - after watching a game at the pub.

I must admit, thinking back, I did look a bit of a cock, weighing about 20 stone at the time, and having BRIGHT bleached blonde hair.

I only realised just how much of a cock I looked when, in the middle of a conversation about England's team selection or something, a car sped past full of chavs, and someone sat in the back shouted "Gazza!" - I was heartbroken :(

Inserts cock joke
(Fri 1st Jun 2007, 7:00, More)

» Work Experience

I did two weeks in a McVities factory, and was responsible for putting a new "quality control system" in place (basically I moved the boxes around on the sheet people had to fill in, reprinted it and took the credit for a job well done)

Then, I got expenses for travel between the factory and salford uni, where I was studying... I lived 50 yards from the front door of the factory 8-)

The best bit was having to make three trips to home and back to pick up all the Caramels, Jaffa Cakes and Penguins they gave me.

I a now a fat cunt so I suppose they got the last laugh :-(
(Mon 14th May 2007, 0:39, More)

» Ripped Off

I rip people off every day

...Okay sir, that will be £465 for your service.

(Thu 15th Feb 2007, 19:40, More)
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