b3ta.com user Louis Cowan
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» Embarrassing Injuries

Almost olympic
Back in the days when I had no gray hairs, I used to go to the local forest to play on a rope swing with my buddies. The rope was attached to a tree which was on a slope, probably of about 75 deg, and the branch on which the rope was tied was over a little stream that came down from the local reservoir. Very picturesque.

We had several methods of swining on this rope, one of which was running along the slope, holding onto the stick, and swinging tarzan style over the stream, and back up behind the tree. Brilliant fun! Another was to climb up the slope, jump onto the swing and just swing, sitting, to and fro, like a hypnotist's watch. Excellent fun.

One day however, I thought I'd be clever. I went for the tarzan style jump (we called it "Jesus christing") but thought I'd put a spin on it. Up I went, over the river I went, back towards the tree I went, face first INTO the tree I went. I dropped there and then about 6 ft into a small marsh, with no elegance or grace at all. Hurt like hell, but not nearly as bad as what happened to my mate...

Feeling just as adventurous as I was (and not smart enough to see that this day was a Day Of Injuries), he decided to take the swing up the slope, and jesus christ STRAIGHT DOWN the slope. So, he did it. All looked like it would be fine, until he reached the apex of his swing. He somersaulted backwards maybe twice before landing on both wrists on a large boulder at the other side of the stream. it was obvious that either he'd become incredibly camp and limp wristed, or that he'd smashed both wrists. the latter was true.

Poor guy had to have his sisters "hold him" while he peed and "clean up after him" while he did the other.
(Thu 2nd Sep 2004, 13:34, More)

» Near Death Experiences

Boxing day disaster
Driving back home to Glasgow last boxing day with my father driving, me in the front, and Mrs me in the back.

The year before, my father was driving to work on his motorbike, and sadly was hit by another car - his arm was torn off all but a few threads of skin, his face was crushed and his leg was snapped like a matchstick (the chocolate kind), but thanks to technology and a few kilos of titanium he's now a walking talking cyborg.

The poor bastard went and crashed the year after - last boxing day. As we were all driving back home to glasgow like I said, he took a wrong turn off a roundabout, hit a bit of gravel, hit a slope and smashed headfirst into a tree - the car was pretty much cleaved right up to the dashboard, but amazingly nobody was hurt!

One of the presents I had bought him was a churchill nodding dog - my father was insured with direct line at the time. I'm convinced that they're connected...
(Tue 30th Nov 2004, 16:48, More)