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I look a bit like this:

I'm no longer a student here (woo):
Croydon College
But I'm leaving the pic up anyway because.

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» I Drank Meths (pointless teenage things you did to shock)

I was in a chemistry class...
We were on our fourth teacher, due to various sackings and quittingsages. In fact, the school had run out of actual chemistry teachers, and the new head of chemistry didn't even teach the subject. So we had a supply teacher. Her name resembled the word tree house, which was rather fitting, because she resembled a tree house.

Anyway, one lesson somebody had left a bottle of ethanol out on the side. Not the brilliantest plan ever constructed, that one. Being a class of fifteen- and sixteen-year-old boys, we passed it round, inhaling the fumes and whatnot. Fun but not amazing. Our hapless teacher, of course, failed to notice. Due to the apparent lack of amazingness, I decided we'd be better off if we inserted a paper towel into the bottle to soak up some of the ethanol, and then pass that around for sniffings. Soon we were all getting a little woozy, and the brilliant realisation was made that ethanol burns rather well, and so someone decided to light the piece of paper. Funnily enough, it burned rather well, and the flames were licking the ceiling. The teacher, of course failed to notice this latest progression.

This is where it gets interesting. We suddenly realised that this flaming towel was rather out of our control, and decided we needed to put it out. The most obvious way we could think of at short notice was to stick it under running water, so we turned on the tap and stuck the flaming towel under it. The water diluted the ethanol, but not enough to put it out, and the mixture filled the sink. Our wonderful teacher, bless her, failed to notice the fact that one of the sinks in her lab was on fire, and that the ceiling was more than singed.

Length? Well the flames were about four foot, but they were contained by a ceiling. Classy nonsense in the name of rebellion? I kept what remained of the ethanol for myself =P

To be fair, at a later date I discovered the soaking effects of plugging bunsen burners into water taps, but unfortunately it was too late for trying to put out the flames...
(Mon 23rd Jul 2007, 23:41, More)

» Sleepwalking

All I can say is
I was rather the young.

My parents were having the dinner party (it was the eighties) and I was safely tucked away in bed. But, it would seem, not for much longer.

We lived in a three-storey house, with a stairwell, and a tiled floor at the bottom. So if you stood at the top of the stairs you could look down and observe the tile pattern on the ground floor.

Anyway, yes, dinner party. Vaguely posh do. I was rather young. As such, I'd been put to bed at a rather early time and had to get up in the night to use the toilet. This involved leaving my room and walking across the landing to the bathroom opposite my room. Unfortunately, I was asleep whilst making this journey, and misjudged the distance I'd walked (ever noticed how sleepwalkers take tiny steps?) and so when I turned to pee, well, it went down rather a long way, and made rather a big mess. And noise. I then went straight back to bed, which is where my parents found me.

Of course, the party was still going on, and of course, it was rather disturbed by this occurrence. Nevermind!

So essentially, yes, I did once sleepwalk, disturbing a dinner party by peeing down two storeys onto a tile floor just outside a room full of overly posh people. Yay! And got away with it. Yay!

Length? Obviously not enough to minimise splashing, but hey! I was only a kid at the time...
(Sat 25th Aug 2007, 2:50, More)

» Why I was late

Often late for band things:
Last week's rehearsal: "Sorry Rob, I was just vacuum cleaning and my computer caught fire, I'm going to be a bit late."

Recording session last year: "Well, you called me last night, and whenever you call I'm drunk, so because you called I was automatically drunk, and now I'm hung over. I need crisps."
(Wed 4th Jul 2007, 9:32, More)