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» Mobile phone disasters

Best ever result from phone roulette
"I'm snorting coke off a strippers thigh, uni's great!" was sent to my mum.

"Male or female?" was the reply.

I love my mum :D

The disaster was when "Fancy a shag" was sent to all my female contacts, including my sister's house phone so it got read out by the machine :(
(Tue 4th Aug 2009, 0:27, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

In Lancaster
there's one of those huge electrical transformers (might be a robot in disguise in fact) with the danger of electrical death sign
someone had written underneath "Thor hates You!"
(Sat 5th May 2007, 16:33, More)

» Darwin Awards

I'm surprised i'm not dead by now
When i was six my dad was mowing the lawn, and i decided i wanted to find out what electricity looked like, so i cut the lawnmower cable with a pair of secateurs luckily i was wearing wellies, and gloves and the secateurs had plastic handles.

When i was eight, my friends and i climbed a brilliant tree, one of those where the branches pretty much go round like steps, we had loads of fun then it was time to go home, and my mum came for me, she said for me to come down from the top, i asked whether she wanted me to come down the fast way or the slow way, and she foolishly chose the fast way, so i slid down the tree, and landed on my arse with a thump, i'm surprised i didn't get spinal compression from that.

And finally, aged 17, i'm at a kayak slalom with a boat that i can get into, but it's a tight fit. I come down the course, doing quite well, and there's a chute where there's another current coming across, i go down the chute and get capsized, i try and roll back up, but the current pushes me back down, shit.
I try and get out but i can't, my lungs start asking politely for air so i try and oblige and twist so that my mouth is as close to the surface as possible and try to hand roll so that i can get some air, i succeed, yay!
Now back to the task at hand, getting myself out of this fibreglass deathtrap, i get one leg out, somehow, and have to kick myself free, all the while im getting gasps of air from the hand rolls.
When i finally get out i have the presence of mind to hold onto the kayak that nearly drowned me, and the paddle that failed me, i swim to the bank very red faced, and in a slight state of shock.
The next day, i borrowed one of the group member's playboats and won the Div 4 J18 trophy.

Length? the cable was 20m, the tree was higher than the semi-detatched house, and the slalom kayak was 4m long, as for me? well, size doesn't matter, it's what you do with it that counts.
(Sat 14th Feb 2009, 12:09, More)

» Best Graffiti Ever

At my 6th Form
On a fire procedure sheet pinned on a wall it said "Upon discovering a fire:" next to this someone had wrote "BURN THE WITCH!"

still makes me laugh

length? it was a A4 sheet of paper
(Sat 5th May 2007, 16:04, More)

» Schadenfreude

i'm such a sadistic git
Everytime my housemate uses the oven he bends down, and opens the door thereby letting all the nice hot air go straight into his eyes. everytime he does this he yelps, which is quite a lot as he never learns to stand away from the oven.

I can see myself still being amused by this next year.
(Wed 23rd Dec 2009, 17:45, More)
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