» Housemates from hell

Naked Monday.
My housemates at university have a terrible habit of getting drunk and taking their clothes off, male and female. However, I admit this was my idea and I partake in it every time. On the second Monday on every month, it is tradition that we start the evening with a game of reverse-strip poker (you start naked) and finish the evening with a few rounds of hide and seek. One evening I pimp-slapped my mate's penis and made him scream like a little girl. In response, he took a swing at mine, but I went into bullet-time, dodged and ran away cackling like a gremlin. Later on, we played hide and seek, and I decided to safely hide on top of the freezer. My mate, his little todger still sore, thought it would be a fine idea to hide in the top shelf of the boiler cupboard. He got in and...

*Kerrrunnch!*

... the shelf had completely given away, leaving him stranded atop the rounded menhir of the boiler, legs akimbo, flailing out of the cupboard door, whilst his arms were hidden and pinned on the other side, with his head. So we were all having a wonderful lolocaust trying to extract him from the said position, all stark bollock naked, boobies and willies wobbling delightfully.
(Sun 8th Apr 2007, 11:30, More)

» Well, that taught 'em

Yum yum
In my first year at uni, I was living in hall, catered, even though I could cook.

Between 8 of us, we had a small fridge, which thieves delighted in robbing on a weekly basis. Beer and snack foods seemed to be the main thing they were after, so I decided to make them sorry.

I bought a packet of tasty-looking sausage rolls, slit them open and left them on the radiator for quite a while, so that they went all blue and started walking. I made my own special marinade of saliva, semen and other assorted bodily fluids. I was going to put some industrial cleaning products on them, but I didn't want to kill anyone. I placed them back in the fridge and waited.

Next time I checked, they were gone.
(Fri 27th Apr 2007, 0:57, More)