b3ta.com user Malcav
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Profile for Malcav:
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Well, me?
I'm a fat, old man trapped in a skinny young body (it's really terrible i assure you), i have very strange musical tastes, have hands like jesus oh and look like him to, just with less halo and godly power, studying to be a building surveyer at Napier uni, write boring shit like this getting bored and giving up.

Long term lurker on this fair site, actually getting a profile to post is very unusual, it feels all tingly in my scrotum.

I miss my city. Anyone who's fallen in love with edinburgh will know how i feel, back in my home town now and god it's dull. Been out walking at night and only one tramp who was't even dirty or romanian.

Recently i've been swimming in the sea. It is rather fun, would anyone like to join in, i have a rubber ring for you and that isn't a euphamism.

Reading my answers again, boy i come over a dick. Guess writing shit at stupid hours on ridiculous caffine levels does that.

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Voyeurism

i hate kids!
the phrase
Will haunt me forever.
Guys have long hair to you little shit!
(Tue 16th Oct 2007, 14:15, More)

» Council Cunts

Probably not just Perthshire unfortunately
Those who live in the UK already know that is has been wet this summer, for those who don't. It has been wet this summer in the UK. A lot of Englandshire is 6 inches underwater and my town has had maybe one afternoon this week (possibly even fortnight) when it hasn't been pissing it down.
So you understand now why I laughed until I almost crashed my car when I was confronted by this idiocy just along from my house.

To their credit it IS summer, and in summer the little planties need watering otherways they might wilt a little and that would be a tragedy! It's nice to know what your tax pounds are being wasted on eh?

wouldn't be suprised if this was seen either.

(Thu 26th Jul 2007, 19:15, More)

» Personal Ads

Another one
Got a message over bebo (i think it was) from a lady (no more than that nugget of information was available on her page). "Hmm" thinks I "not even a name, strange" but as i'd just got rid of the fat blond waste of two years (not bitter oh no) any female attention was welcome.
So get chatting, among the first things said by her was along the lines of "this is my brothers msn, i'm not very computer literate and do not have my own account right now" (although this might not quite be the meaning as the actual text was so devoid of correct spelling and english words (she was home grown in the UK though) in general it was hard to follow). "Alright" thought I as the non existent grammer clawed into my eyes, "might mean i spend time with her in the real world instead of on msn".
So keep chatting... well, sort of. She was rather dull, so in an attempt to get a conversation going again i start asking her what she looks like and she describes a pretty girl, brown hair, blue eyes, angelic smile, good teeth.
"oh" says I, "you and your brother must look rather alike"
"how did you know that" says she.
"from his sign in pic in t'corner". (you all know what comes next)
"that's a picture of me....." she types and tumbleweed blows by
"it's him, you're kidding me, he looks like he hasn't shaved in days as well" i say and rather abruptly the conversation ends, woops.
(Tue 18th Sep 2007, 20:51, More)

» I witnessed a crime

Held at "gun point"
A year ago now my flatmate and I were walking back home along a busy street in Edinburgh. The night was cold but beers were keeping us warm, almost. Then, a few hundred meters away we see a guy stumbling along with no shirt on... it's pretty damn cold... but we ignore it, he gets closer, yup no shirt and visibly swaying... must be out of a club and going to get a taxi...
We pass, or i do, the guy grabs my flatmate by the throat and demands his shirt. By the time i turn around the guy has a gun pointed at my mates head! Over a shirt!... but wait... it hasn't got a handle... and has a screen...and buttons...it's a phone...being held up by a phone...what a twat
Then the shock wears off, the guys grip slowly loosens, his arm drops down from the effort of holding it up, his whole body droops and he falls to the ground.
So we wander off laughing about it leaving the guy sprawled on the pavement.
(Sat 16th Feb 2008, 17:19, More)

» Personal Ads

It's been a while
since HoN was mentioned, used to waste hours in school with that... Anyhoo, on as child_of_malcav and pretty high up since when??
Turns out the best thing to do is just ignore your profile for a year or two and your score goes up and up.
Anyway the QOTW, ahem, yes.
I once had a dating site profile, not very much effort put into getting a good picture or lying in the description to make me sound interesting so naturally got sod all responces.
I had it running in a background tab, yep while friends were there, big mistake as you all know.
Within days i was rather bemused to find 30/40 messages from dirty old men most containing cock shots of imfamous nastiness
Went onto my profile, nothing had changed, no "send me your hairy, warty todger pics" or "i love cock" slogans adorned the page. What had they done for fooks sake?
Turns out they simply changed the orientation from straight to gay, anticlimax i know
(except for some of the old dirty bastards anyway)
(Mon 17th Sep 2007, 13:01, More)
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