» Darwin Awards

I’m Probably A Candidate
In the last year I decided to take my photography a little more seriously. I could of decided on something fairly sedate such as landscapes but having being interested in architecture I found myself taking pictures of old buildings. Originally it was mostly exterior shots of abandoned buildings but soon curiosity got the better of me and I started venturing inside them.

Numerous dangers are there from asbestos to collapsing floors; I’ve fallen though a few and who knows what’s lining my lungs these days. Add to that the need to take something different I’ve found myself standing on roof tops, climbing old towers, climbing scaffolds in the dark and eventually climbing cranes at night because the view is the best you’ll find. Future projects involve live metro tunnels and maybe a storm drain or two.

Still when you get views like this maybe it’s worth the risk….


(Mon 16th Feb 2009, 16:02, More)

» Too much information

Too Much Information
A friend of mine who worked as a nurse was one of those people who just couldn’t stop talking and frequently gave us too much information. Highlights included the time we all went out for a meal at a nice Italian restaurant. Half way through eating pasta she says she’s not hungry – she’d done an autopsy earlier that day and the pasta reminded her of the insides she’d pulled out of the body. Not sure what the guy had done to himself to turn his insides to pasta but it still kind of puts you off your food.

However one night I went out with her, her boyfriend and a load of her female mates. Stood at the bar with her she commented on my choice of drink with “that’ll make your cum taste nice later.” I’m not the most alert person when it comes to people making a pass at me and assumed she'd decided to share some random medial fact with me. Later sat in a bar, her boyfriend asleep in the corner, she starts telling about how when she’s been taken from behind she likes to imagine it’s someone else. OK fair enough; too much information when she turns to me, (in front of all her mates) and says “often I think of you.”

This being B3ta should mean I continue with a story of how I responded by demonstrating my sexual prowess. However in reality there was a very awakward silence and I didn’t know where to look. Also I had the image of her and her boyfriend shagging stuck in my head (and now years later it's there again and will be everytime I read this in my profile; so thanks for clicking I like this and moving it to the top of my profile..…….)
(Fri 7th Sep 2007, 13:25, More)

» Evil Pranks

With this joke you are really spoiling us
Once I shared a house with a group of mates who were notorious for playing practical jokes. One mate had a reputation for being really tight and at Christmas he was given a big tray of Ferro Rocher. Naturally we assumed that being good mate that he’d be soon be spoiling us with these chocolates; but being so tight he refused.

Months passed and everytime we went into his room the chocolates remained sealed in their plastic tray; mocking us. Something had to be done.

On night he out at work and the rest of us were having a bit of a drinking smoking session. As happens we had the great idea of sneaking into his room for a bit of a look round. After unscrewing the lock to his room and breaking in we discovered the chocolates – they would be ours.

Naturally after a bit of a smoke followed by a case of the munchies they didn’t last long but then the guilt kicked in. So in a moment of inspiration we decided the fill the wrappers with newspaper, put them in the box and then re-seal it with sellotape. Several days later we were called to his room; we figured we been found out. But no! He was mad that “those bastards at Ferro Rocher” had shafted him.

Almost ten years later he still mentions the time Ferro Rocher screwed him over; I haven't got the heart to tell him....
(Thu 13th Dec 2007, 15:33, More)

» Sleepwalking

I’m not dead!!
I was left paralysed in my face several for a few months and as a result couldn’t close my eyes when sleeping but eventually everything sorted it’s self out or so I thought.

Few years later I got home after a big night out; crashed into bed next to my girlfriend and fell into a drunken sleep. I hadn’t told her about this and when she saw me lying there with my eyes open she assumed that I’d taken the night one excess too far. Didn’t help that I was so drunk it made it really hard to wake me; still we eventually managed to laugh about it.

I also talk in my sleep. One night I spent describing a very vivid dream whilst I was actually dreaming it. In the dream I’d gone clubbing with Lenin in Moscow but he was pissing me off so ended up I trying to buy drugs off Stalin in the club toilets. However thing when a bit wrong and I ended up being chased by Czechoslovakian Terminators led by my dead great-grandmother.

In my defence I collect old Soviet posters and movie posters (the original Czech Terminator has a very distinct style). My girlfriend told me about it the next morning and I actually was able to remember it like it happened. So much so I thought about making it into a comic strip (maybe if enough people click I like this I will).
(Fri 24th Aug 2007, 16:11, More)

» Guilty Pleasures, part 2

“Guns. Lots of guns”
On the odd occasion, when no-one else is in the house, I suddenly feel the urge to start an all out gun fight against invisible enemies.

Of course it has to be in slow motion complete with slowed down sound effects, like the lobby gun fight in the Matrix (hearing the Propeller heads makes me want to do this). The use of several remote controls for that twin pistol look only adds to this.

Trouble is I’m not very good and every gun fight eventually ends with me going out in a slow motion blaze of glory like at the end of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid before I am flung backward in a slow motion landing in a bloody heap on the floor.

I’m 30+ …………
(Mon 17th Mar 2008, 15:31, More)