b3ta.com user daveydje
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(Tue 24th Jul 2007, 11:21, More)

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» Political Correctness Gone Mad

I'm suddenly Asian?...
A few years back the company i worked for were producing a catalogue for a large electrical component manufacturer. For the front cover of said catalogue they decided to use a nice big group shot of some of their staff smiling and waving.

This would all be well and good... except for the fact that we were then asked to photoshop out a number of the genuine staff and replace them with a more 'ethnically diverse' mix of people using stock photography...

All this leads to some poor guy, all excited about having been asked to be on the cover of the new company catalogue that's being sent around the world... only to receive a copy find he's now a small Asian woman wearing a white lab coat!
(Thu 22nd Nov 2007, 17:34, More)

» Pet Stories

Watching TV one Sunday evening, i suddenly hear an angry "GETT OUTTA IT!" from elderly neighbour, quickly followed by a loud SMASHing noise! Next thing i see is a huge black furry lump resembling the youngest of my 2 cats hurtle through my lounge, into my bedroom, and under my bed!

I go and look for her to check shes okay (she's fine but in hiding), only to then have a knock on door... It's my elderly neighbour, looking non to happy...

"yes?" i say.

"Would you like to see what your flamin has done to my greenhouse!?" comes the reply.

"Okayy..." i say, and follow him to view what Destructokitten had been up-to...

You see, Minnie (which turned out to be a quite an ironic for the now barrel gutted moggie), had found his greenhouse door open. And, as cats tend to do, begun 'investigating' the seedlings my neighbour had planted a couple of months earlier.

My neighbour spots said cat, and shouts the aforementioned "GETT OUTTA IT!" at large mass of black fur thats happily digging up his precious tiny plantlings.

Minnie, somewhat startled by the octogenarian whos now moving towards her waving a walking stick, decides to make a run for it...

Now... Most sensible felines would gracefully, but swiftly leave the way they came in. But no... Not Minnie. She choses to create her own exit, and she leave via the solid glass panel next to the door, smashing panes and sending shards of glass and plants everywhere...

Cats... cute when they're asleep...
(Fri 8th Jun 2007, 13:59, More)

» Pet Stories

Huntin Wabbit...
So i'm happily watching tv one evening, and i hear the catflap open and shut. Not unusual as i have 2 cats. What we slightly more surprising was the massive dead rabbit i almost stepped on as i got up 10mins later to get a beer... Still not entirely sure how one of the little feline buggers managed to fit themselves and the rabbit through the cat flap, and managed it so stealthily...

The fluffy little maniacs also went through a phase of bringing in moles, which close up are some of the most fugliest creatures i've every seen... Especially at 7am on a monday morning, with their entrails spread across the lounge floor.
(Wed 13th Jun 2007, 21:06, More)

» Mistaken Identity

Someone (who i can only assume had really bad eyesight) mistook me for Jeremy Edwards (from Holby City and Hollyoaks)... in retrospect, i'm lucky they didn't glass me as that guys a total twut.

It's also odd, as my mates gave me the nickname Wicket due to my resemblance to the famous Ewok, who i have to agree is far closer to my appearance.
(Fri 1st Jun 2007, 18:33, More)