b3ta.com user Seance Trumpet
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» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

I was in the job center as moral support for a friend who is unemployed.
I decided to have a glance at the computer terminals to see what was on offer, as anyone who has spent any time in a job center will know that it is where hope goes to die.

I found an advert for semi-nude cleaners and couldn't help printing it out to show people.

Also, today I laughed at this;

I don't know why; every rational fibre of my brain tells me it's not funny. But still....

EDIT: I just laughed at it again.
(Fri 18th Sep 2009, 16:36, More)

» Expensive Mistakes

This one time
in deep space, this Mimbari ship approached with her gun ports open. It only bloody turns out that's like their way of shaking hands.

Damn, was my face red.

Click I like this if you understand.
(Sun 28th Oct 2007, 4:43, More)

» Guilty Secrets

I sometimes tell my girlfriend that....
....I don't feel like sex tonight because I'm feeling a bit poorly and have a gypy tummy (sometimes going into detail to put her off completely). Infact the real reason is that I'd just that moment had a wank before she came into the room and am feeling spent.

See, if she told me earlier I wouldn't have done and everyone would have been happy!

Why can't women plan ahead properly?
(Sat 1st Sep 2007, 2:38, More)

» Mad Stuff You've Done To Get Someone To Sleep With You

to lose our virginities, Apeloverage, Frank Spencer and I made a pact that we would get laid by prom night. All manner of hilarious whacky adventures ensued, that included one of us being embarrassed on the internet.

Fortunately, it all worked out for the best - while it didn't work out as we'd planned, we all learned valuable life lessons and emerged as better, more mature, more fully-rounded people.
(Sat 14th Apr 2007, 13:17, More)

» Workplace Boredom

I'm at work watching Sean's Show on 4OD right now.
Why am I watching Sean's Show? Why?

Some former colleagues of mine at a previous place of employment invented a game using a copy of Guess Who. They called it "Guess Whom" and involved asking questions about percieved psychological flaws rather than physical appearance.

For example; rather than ask "Does he have a big nose?", we would ask "Is he likely to blame all of his failings in life on his parents?"

Strangely, it still seemed to work.

This was in a call centre working nights where we also invented the game of "Muff Ball", where we would ball up the foam ear guards from discarded headsets to make a ball and play volleyball.

Chair Curling was good too; we got one of the more slightly built staff members of staff to sit on a chair and we would curl with him in the corridor.

My favourite game was "Embarrassing Kathy" (name changed to protect the innocent). "Kathy" was a 30 year old woman with a bubbly personality who was very popular. Fortunately for me and my amusment, she was also easily embarrassed by sexy-talk. Infact, when she was on a call, simply whispering "penis penis penis penis.." into her ear was enough to make her blush and giggle.

When I worked in the warehouse of my local Comet the other warehouse guy (Sean) and I used to build little forts out of washing machines. We once put one of the salesmen in a box for a Goodmans 32" TV and got as far as loading it into the customer's car before realising that unfortunately this one "had been damaged. Don't worry though sir, we've got another one in the back. Let me just take this back and I'll get you a new one." Good times.
(Thu 8th Jan 2009, 23:25, More)
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