» I Drank Meths (pointless teenage things you did to shock)

Arrgh
In third year we had a bitch of a history teacher. Not only was she a terrible teacher but im pretty sure she was functionally illiterate.
She used to use her finger to read reeeeeaaalllllyyy slowly through the book we had finished in 1st year.

Anyway she found out that i hadn't been doing homework for a few weeks because i was studying for my junior cert (sort of Irish middle of secondary school tests) so she told me to do 4 sets of rules. (each one took about half an hour)

As this was the friday before the first test i responded with 'No'.

She then told me to do 8 sets. I said no again.

I think you know where this is going.

At 64 sets i burst out laughing and walked away.

Didn't get in any trouble for it either.

Another time a cousin and I (aged about 15) went out to go to a party on halloween and we were hungry on the way there. we decided, hey its halloween and promptly knocked on the first door we saw. The woman, expecting us to go away, said, 'well id have to hear a song if i was to give you sweets' .

We launched into the 'build me up buttercup' and sang the whole thing, only stopping when we recieved an ovation from the entire household.
(Tue 24th Jul 2007, 17:58, More)

» Cheap Tat

Henry St.
Any Dubliners here will be familiar with Henry Street, the infamous home of '3 GILLETTE MACH 3 BLADES FOR 5 EURO!' knackers.

Walking down the street this christmas I saw a man selling the top 20 cds out of a box hurriedly for 5 euro a pop.

Walking back up the street I saw him being bundled into the back of a police car.

so not so much cheap tat as cheap, but stolen decent stuff.
(Sun 6th Jan 2008, 17:30, More)

» Political Correctness Gone Mad

Gin-jew
I saw a glossy, high class leaflet for a 'Young Social Innovators' group the other day. It featured cartoons on the cover of , and I'm not taking the piss:

A Black Man in a suit
A White man in a hoody
A ginger in a cardigan
An Asian Woman in a suit (with trousers)
A Hispanic Woman in a suit (with skirt)
A Sikh Man in a suit
A goth

and:
An Islamic woman in a full eye slit burka.

guess they were afraid of offending them.
(Thu 22nd Nov 2007, 21:52, More)

» Pathological Liars

I'll just send someone over to you now...
I work an incredibly shitty minimum wage job (although the min wage here is €8.65 WOOYAY!) on saturdays.

I clean tables and cleaning tables is all I do. I don't like taking orders from customers because I usually get the food mixed up, so whenever someone asks me to take an order, I reply with the wonderful line 'I'll just send someone over to your table who has a notepad.'

Never, not once have I ever sent someone over. I must say this hundreds of times every day.
(Fri 30th Nov 2007, 16:32, More)

» Guilty Secrets

hole
this ones pretty tame. A few weeks ago i came home pissed to an empty house, i fell over onto my radiator and bashed myself up. I stood up, and being the aggro barstud that i am, proceded to kick a hole in the wall.

Luckily my family didnt notice until after my brother had had a party, and reasoned that it must have been one of his friends.

Oh and another time i was on holiday in Berlin. Caught food poisoning and about three in the morning ran to the jacks, but still ended up shitting all over my cacks. cleaned myself up, and with my family still blissfully asleep, wrapped them up in a couple of rolls of newspaper, plastic bags and toilet roll, shoved em in the the dustbin.

We checked out the next day. I still pity that German maid.
(Fri 31st Aug 2007, 20:19, More)