» Mistaken Identity

Lorraine Kelly
... I was sixteen at the time. I was not amused.

However, back in the old hometown of Norwich I regularly got called "Joanne". Several sightings of me were seen over the city, even my best friend mistook this girl for me.

The pinnicle of this was in the heady delights of Ritzy's nightclub when I was confronted by a chap who was apparently in love with me. Gropings ensued, and until he called me Joanne I thought nothing of it. What the hell, I was 4 Smirnoff Mules to the wind and a good time was had by all.

So if your name is Joanne, you are from Norwich, have a slight resemblence to Lorraine Kelly and get called "Ruth" by random strangers - I am very sorry. Please feel free to fondle any of my exes, in fact, if you meet a lad called Jamie, could you get back my Dookie CD, the wanker has kept hold of that since 1997 and I'm too tight to by another copy. Thanks.
(Tue 5th Jun 2007, 10:26, More)

» Terrible food

Concealed meat
I had been off work sick with flu for a few days, and naturally was off my food. Suddenly one day I got an attack of hunger. I needed food and I needed it fast.

Still laying down on my sick bed milking my sickness for all it's worth, the mister cooks me up a delicious meal of chips, beans and breaded chicken. Yum yum I thought.

I had almost finished the chicken, and I noticed that the breadcrumbs around the chicken were soggy... COULD have been the bean juice, but I needed to investigate as on closer inspection I could now see a 20 pence sized lump protruding from the last few mouthfuls of chicken. Naturally I needed to investigate.

Stabbing it with with my fork a shit load of grey/yellow liquid oozed out and onto my plate. The infamous chicken cyst had made it's way onto my dinner plate.

You never think that it will happen to you.

Safe to say, I have never eaten chicken or anything in breadcrumbs/pastry since.

Please be gentle, it's my first time *pop*
(Wed 23rd May 2007, 10:14, More)