b3ta.com user kris kringle
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» Pet Peeves

No, not that kind, I mean the little dots that are inside your eye somewhere and just serve to irritate you whatever you're doing, particularly when looking at a screen or white surface.

My Science teacher once told me that one can have them removed surgically but they've never annoyed me quite that much. Perhaps if I win the lottery (unlikely - I don't play) it'll become an affordable luxury.

Sorry to all those people that are now noticing their floaters.
(Fri 2nd May 2008, 20:19, More)

» Insults

Calling someone a lesbian?
Cock dodger
Pussy lover

Know someone of the gay persuasion?

Marmite miner
Knob jockey/Cockjock
Vagina decliner
Beaver leaver
(Sun 7th Oct 2007, 20:03, More)

» Insults

Generally including a 'Mc' in the insult makes it more humourous and therefore effective;


'You cunt'


'Cunty McCunterson'.

Topical ones are always more effective anyway, as we all know (e.g. 'Squishyface' - Jarhead)

Not to mention the old classic

'I'd rather shit on my hands and clap'

Yours, Biggus McPenison
(Thu 4th Oct 2007, 22:59, More)

» Sleepwalking

No walking involved in this one, but when holidaying in Florida a few years ago, my mother, sleeping in the same room as myself and a friend sat upright, looked right at me (still awake) and proclaimed "She'll never clean it like this".

She then woke up, realising what she'd done, groaned and fell back into bed. Needless to say, me and my mate didn't sleep for a while, too busy laughing and doing impressions.

Another time (this one involves walking, temporarily at least) she walked into my room where I was sat at the computer and complained that I was up so late. She then was quiet for a minute, I asked her what she was doing whereupon she said "Fainting" and promptly slid down my door.

(Thu 23rd Aug 2007, 23:53, More)

» My most gullible moment

My mother believes she's watching 'Capricorn Two' on DVD, and has done so for nearly an hour now. She's seen Capricorn One a few times.
(Tue 26th Aug 2008, 22:13, More)
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