Profile for ExactlyHowLongDoIHaveToBeHere:
there's a kitten in there somewhere
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- a member for 21 years, 7 months and 19 days
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- has posted 14 stories and 9 replies on question of the week
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there's a kitten in there somewhere
Recent front page messages:
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Best answers to questions:
» Losing Your Virginity
ouch.
14.
on a tube during rush hour with second ever girlf going back to her place. one of those loud, enthusiastic, mum will never approve types....
anyway... packed tube. naturally we are very much in each other's personal space (along with everyone else on the tube) having a bit of a teenage snog. she suddenly pipes up, possibly a bit too loudly for a 14yr old who ideally should be at school:
"Are you a virgin?"...
cue red-faced emabrassment, I meekly answered yes...
"Don't worry I'll break you in".
cue more red-faced embarassment, and looks of pure envy from most of the male commuters.... was too embarassed to look at the female ones.
anyway. never lost my cherry that day. did I mention she was a bit enthusiastic... well never let a very enthusiastic inexperienced 14 year old wank you off.
blood everywhere.
then the mum walks in.
anyway.... time goes on. certain appendages heal up... I do finally get my cherry popped.
so summer holidays. at her family farm place in the sticks... she's giving me first ever blow job.
in walks her gran.
30mins later I'm on a train home.
(Mon 7th Mar 2005, 13:02, More)
ouch.
14.
on a tube during rush hour with second ever girlf going back to her place. one of those loud, enthusiastic, mum will never approve types....
anyway... packed tube. naturally we are very much in each other's personal space (along with everyone else on the tube) having a bit of a teenage snog. she suddenly pipes up, possibly a bit too loudly for a 14yr old who ideally should be at school:
"Are you a virgin?"...
cue red-faced emabrassment, I meekly answered yes...
"Don't worry I'll break you in".
cue more red-faced embarassment, and looks of pure envy from most of the male commuters.... was too embarassed to look at the female ones.
anyway. never lost my cherry that day. did I mention she was a bit enthusiastic... well never let a very enthusiastic inexperienced 14 year old wank you off.
blood everywhere.
then the mum walks in.
anyway.... time goes on. certain appendages heal up... I do finally get my cherry popped.
so summer holidays. at her family farm place in the sticks... she's giving me first ever blow job.
in walks her gran.
30mins later I'm on a train home.
(Mon 7th Mar 2005, 13:02, More)
» Embarrassing Injuries
ethanolics
paramedic speak for pissed up people...(they call them ethanolic instead of drunk to avoid an arguement with the patient over whether he/she is actually drunk or not) goes something like this:
ethanolic attempts to buy cigarettes from cigarette machine.
cigarette machine doesn't give out cigarettes.
infuriated ethanolic shoulder barges cigarette machine, and complains of pain in upper arm.
ethanolic's friends assume ethanolic has dislocated shoulder.
ethanolic's friends attempt to relocate shoulder.
ethanolic didn't have a dislocated shoulder, he/she now has a broken arm due to attempted relocation, and a fracture of the collar bone inflicted by the fag machine.
doh.
(Mon 6th Sep 2004, 16:08, More)
ethanolics
paramedic speak for pissed up people...(they call them ethanolic instead of drunk to avoid an arguement with the patient over whether he/she is actually drunk or not) goes something like this:
ethanolic attempts to buy cigarettes from cigarette machine.
cigarette machine doesn't give out cigarettes.
infuriated ethanolic shoulder barges cigarette machine, and complains of pain in upper arm.
ethanolic's friends assume ethanolic has dislocated shoulder.
ethanolic's friends attempt to relocate shoulder.
ethanolic didn't have a dislocated shoulder, he/she now has a broken arm due to attempted relocation, and a fracture of the collar bone inflicted by the fag machine.
doh.
(Mon 6th Sep 2004, 16:08, More)
» Council Cunts
not hackney, but bloody Islington
just bought my first home.
turn up at islington parking office with just about every piece of paper with evidence that I had just bought the damn place... ie mortgage forms, leasehold contract, registry docs the works.
can I get a temp permit while I unload my van?
can I fuck. I need a 'utility bill'.
did I get a ticket?
of course I did.
(Thu 26th Jul 2007, 16:29, More)
not hackney, but bloody Islington
just bought my first home.
turn up at islington parking office with just about every piece of paper with evidence that I had just bought the damn place... ie mortgage forms, leasehold contract, registry docs the works.
can I get a temp permit while I unload my van?
can I fuck. I need a 'utility bill'.
did I get a ticket?
of course I did.
(Thu 26th Jul 2007, 16:29, More)
» Going Too Far
hijacked a plane
... was racing another one... unfortunatley we both went to far/fast and crashed into a building.
did I take that too far?
(Fri 10th Nov 2006, 14:36, More)
hijacked a plane
... was racing another one... unfortunatley we both went to far/fast and crashed into a building.
did I take that too far?
(Fri 10th Nov 2006, 14:36, More)