» Family Holidays

Butlins+Moody teenager
My mother in a fit of desperation to cling to her maternal instincts decided that what we all needed was one last family holiday. This was to take place in a butlins caravan, with no computer and two cds.

Realising the odds of butlins having a banging gayer nightclub was going to be pretty slim I made peace with settling down with some books for the week.

The Mother and Father units however decided that drunken man on woo-man sex was the way to go and the carvan would rock, so gently at first, almost like they were just stepping around the living area. Then the first big slam from Father unit, then again, and again and again. And as my left eye twitched, my mind once strayed on the notion that in terms of energy being released, I was kinda almost experincing what it would be like to taken roughly from behind by my father...and just as the full horror of what my vague understanding of physics was putting in my head, father unit ended the sex act with mother unit. At three minutes...ohh the shame...the terrible shame.
(Fri 3rd Aug 2007, 11:39, More)

» I Drank Meths (pointless teenage things you did to shock)

I didn't wash for four months...
A mate went to america for one of those "work in the servitude of american children" programs that float about the UK and one of the last comments he left me was that I needed a wash (this was only a weeks worth of world-filth on me.

So...four months later, my skin quite literally brown/grey...
(Fri 20th Jul 2007, 13:08, More)

» Pet Stories

Flatulence in my face
The Hubby's dog (Gent) had a habit of waiting till I was a prime target for one of his arse burps. Wee critter liked to catch me off guard by giving me big kisses and then snuggling up to the side of me to unleash one of his bad boys. He would even make special trips to my room just to crack one out and then leave. Never farted in front of his other Daddy, oh no, he got the cuddles and heart felt kisses. Even when we took him to the doggy doctor not three weeks ago for the very last time he even managed to fart right in my mush as I gave him my last goodbye.
(Fri 8th Jun 2007, 16:37, More)

» Mistaken Identity

I'm only a man...
A straight mate of mine dragged me out to a foam party at one of his breeder bars. Being supportive I expected to be utilised for ‘sensitive conversation’ for said mate’s exploitation later.

Alas a few too many drinks to get us in the mood resulted in us spending the entire night neck deep in foam. And with having shoulder length hair and a room of boozed up horny lads, I had to beat off five different fellas from having their own personal Crying Game nightmare. Four of these lusty gentlemen took the hint when their hands were put on the chest, one though required a more detailed explanation. So I have been mistaken for a women with rubbish tits.

And yayy my first time and look, no bleeding.
(Fri 1st Jun 2007, 12:53, More)

» * PFFT *

Rugby team on a bus...getting on my nerves...
sitting two thirds towards the back. Unleashed a botty burp that resulted in much pointing of the finger between each other, foul language and a begruding respect.

Little did they know that it was created from the skinny hippy at the front with the solitary diet of oven chips and beans.
(Mon 16th Jul 2007, 14:49, More)