Profile for franktard:
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- a member for 16 years, 10 months and 27 days
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» Will you go out with me?
Near miss
I met my current Mrs in The Viper Room, LA, which is about as rock and roll as it gets. I played a show, she was a lone English girl in the audience, so she came over to say hello. Alas, her eyesight isn't amazing, so she actually chatted up some American guy on the other side of the room for five minutes, before saying to him "You sounded English onstage..."
The problem was thankfully rectified and we're currently living happily ever after.
(Fri 29th Aug 2008, 11:56, More)
Near miss
I met my current Mrs in The Viper Room, LA, which is about as rock and roll as it gets. I played a show, she was a lone English girl in the audience, so she came over to say hello. Alas, her eyesight isn't amazing, so she actually chatted up some American guy on the other side of the room for five minutes, before saying to him "You sounded English onstage..."
The problem was thankfully rectified and we're currently living happily ever after.
(Fri 29th Aug 2008, 11:56, More)
» Crazy Relatives
a distant cousin..
This guy is approximately a third cousin or something like that. I've only met him once, when I was a young kid, he's aout 20 years older than me. He had a few psychological issues at school, but had generally cleared up by time he graduated from university and got a job in the City. He got a brief posting out to Bogota, which he completed in a most professional manner... until he was at the airport due to fly home. For reasons that remain obscure (but possibly have something to do with the local marching powder) he decided, half-way through checking his bag in, to rip his shirt open to reveal small bags of powder taped to his chest and scream "I'm smuggling coke!" at the top of his lungs. After a brief chase and a beating by the cops he was restrained, at which point they found out that it wasn't coke, it was flour. After much international wrangling he was shipped back to the UK and straight into a home, where he remains to this day.
(Sun 8th Jul 2007, 11:33, More)
a distant cousin..
This guy is approximately a third cousin or something like that. I've only met him once, when I was a young kid, he's aout 20 years older than me. He had a few psychological issues at school, but had generally cleared up by time he graduated from university and got a job in the City. He got a brief posting out to Bogota, which he completed in a most professional manner... until he was at the airport due to fly home. For reasons that remain obscure (but possibly have something to do with the local marching powder) he decided, half-way through checking his bag in, to rip his shirt open to reveal small bags of powder taped to his chest and scream "I'm smuggling coke!" at the top of his lungs. After a brief chase and a beating by the cops he was restrained, at which point they found out that it wasn't coke, it was flour. After much international wrangling he was shipped back to the UK and straight into a home, where he remains to this day.
(Sun 8th Jul 2007, 11:33, More)
» The worst sex I ever had
My first post...
...so be gentle with me.
Back in my university days there was a girl I really fancied, but I was in a steady relationship at the time, so nothing happened, though I had drunkenly intimated to her that I fancied her every now and again. So when me and the long term ex broke up (due to her fucking my mate) I swiftly arranged an evening in with a bottle of wine and the lady in question. Things went as planned, and we ended up in the bedroom, having the WORST sex I have ever known. I seriously considered giving up time and time again, and in the end faked an orgasm and tried to go to sleep. She said it was great... In the morning she made it clear she fancied another go, so I said I needed to go for a piss, decided to sacrifice my T-shirt (which was still on her bedroom floor) and ran out of the flat with the rest of my stuff. The sex was really THAT bad.
The next time I saw her was about a year later in a club. Boy was that awkward...
(Fri 15th Jun 2007, 14:55, More)
My first post...
...so be gentle with me.
Back in my university days there was a girl I really fancied, but I was in a steady relationship at the time, so nothing happened, though I had drunkenly intimated to her that I fancied her every now and again. So when me and the long term ex broke up (due to her fucking my mate) I swiftly arranged an evening in with a bottle of wine and the lady in question. Things went as planned, and we ended up in the bedroom, having the WORST sex I have ever known. I seriously considered giving up time and time again, and in the end faked an orgasm and tried to go to sleep. She said it was great... In the morning she made it clear she fancied another go, so I said I needed to go for a piss, decided to sacrifice my T-shirt (which was still on her bedroom floor) and ran out of the flat with the rest of my stuff. The sex was really THAT bad.
The next time I saw her was about a year later in a club. Boy was that awkward...
(Fri 15th Jun 2007, 14:55, More)
» Accidental innuendo
Wedding Ring
At my best mate's wedding recently. After the excitement of the registry office, and the tedium of the drive to the reception, we were all stood around in the marquee waiting for the guests to trickle in. Comments were made about the groom's wedding ring, and how it looked a little tight.
"If you want to know about a tight ring, ask my wife," he announced sagely, in front of all the parents and everything. It took some time for service to resume as normal.
(Fri 13th Jun 2008, 13:34, More)
Wedding Ring
At my best mate's wedding recently. After the excitement of the registry office, and the tedium of the drive to the reception, we were all stood around in the marquee waiting for the guests to trickle in. Comments were made about the groom's wedding ring, and how it looked a little tight.
"If you want to know about a tight ring, ask my wife," he announced sagely, in front of all the parents and everything. It took some time for service to resume as normal.
(Fri 13th Jun 2008, 13:34, More)
» When Animals Attack
Baboon attack
I was doing a bit of utterly bourgeois gap year 'travelling' (we were all young once) around Africa with my then girlfriend. We were at Victoria Falls, on the Zambia side, and very nice it was too. There were a fair few baboons wandering about but we'd been told not to feed them, and not to corner them, and then all would be well.
So, me and the missus wander off to a little platform of rock that was slightly off the beaten track, but which jutted out into the abyss and had a breath-taking view. We were having a litte cheezy romantic moment, when suddenly a full-size male baboon clambers up the cliff in front of us, thereby cornering himself between us and the edge. He's not happy about this, so he stands up on his hind legs and roars, properly bellows, at us. When stood up he was taller than me (and I'm 6'4"). Needless to say we crapped ourselves and ran screaming back onto the main pathway. Of course, the baboon didn't deign to follow us, so as far as everyone else was concerned, we wandered off for a smooch and then came back screaming "BABBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!" and running like our lives depended on it..
(Mon 28th Apr 2008, 14:42, More)
Baboon attack
I was doing a bit of utterly bourgeois gap year 'travelling' (we were all young once) around Africa with my then girlfriend. We were at Victoria Falls, on the Zambia side, and very nice it was too. There were a fair few baboons wandering about but we'd been told not to feed them, and not to corner them, and then all would be well.
So, me and the missus wander off to a little platform of rock that was slightly off the beaten track, but which jutted out into the abyss and had a breath-taking view. We were having a litte cheezy romantic moment, when suddenly a full-size male baboon clambers up the cliff in front of us, thereby cornering himself between us and the edge. He's not happy about this, so he stands up on his hind legs and roars, properly bellows, at us. When stood up he was taller than me (and I'm 6'4"). Needless to say we crapped ourselves and ran screaming back onto the main pathway. Of course, the baboon didn't deign to follow us, so as far as everyone else was concerned, we wandered off for a smooch and then came back screaming "BABBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!" and running like our lives depended on it..
(Mon 28th Apr 2008, 14:42, More)