b3ta.com user theweapon
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» Crazy Relatives

My dad likes to mow lawns. At the last count he's mowing:

- His own lawn
- His mother-in-laws lawn
- His sisters lawn
- His sisters neighbours lawn
- The lawn at a place my parents own and rent out
- The lawn at the house next door to the place my parents own and rent out
- The lawn at the pub in the next village
- The lawn at the office of the firm he used to work for
- My godfather's lawn

During the summer he mows these twice a week each. That's a full working day of mowing every week, by my reckoning.

Someone once sold him a car worth about 5k for a tenner on the understanding that he'd do some mowing for the seller. Seller failed to realise he'd have done the mowing anyway. The man just loves to mow.
(Fri 6th Jul 2007, 2:29, More)

» Sleepwalking

Purr, Purr, Crunchy Noise
The neighbours' cat comes around sometimes. When you stroke it, it purrs, and makes a sort of crunchy noise. I think it's grinding its teeth.

Last week, Mrs Weapon woke up in the middle of the night, said "Purr, Purr, Crunchy Noise", and went back to sleep. She denies this actually happened.

Unrelated to this, another pissing story. My friend Cam once told me of a drunken party where everyone fell asleep in the lounge. He was woken up in the night by the sound of a fellow reveller pissing on the stereo.

"Mate, why are you pissing on the stereo?" he enquired.

The pisser woke up, looked at Cam, looked down at what he was doing, looked back at Cam, and said "um... is this real?"
(Tue 28th Aug 2007, 23:05, More)

» Evil Pranks

Oddly, my girlfriend and another friend of mine both suffer from the same rare affliction. As they describe it, it's "not a fear, more like an intense dislike", of buttons.


1) In pub, wait for sufferer to go to toilet
2) Place button underneath sufferers glass
3) Watch with glee as sufferer lifts glass, revealing button, and jumps back about four feet
(Mon 17th Dec 2007, 23:36, More)

» Shoplifting

Another traffic cone story...
Whilst at university my flatmates and I accumulated a huge assortment of traffic cones, flashing yellow lights, men-at-work signs, those stripy red and white plank things, and other assorted crap over the course of a year's drunken theivery. In approved student style, all of this rubbish served as ornamentation in our lounge.

When the time came to move out of the flat, we were faced with the problem of having to dispose of it all. So under cover of darkness we used it to create our own roadworks in the street outside. It really looked like a proper roadworks - IIRC we even got hold of a big piece of old plywood to lay on the pavement to cover up the nonexistent 'hole' which all of the cones, barriers, signs, and whatnot were set up around.

Said pet roadworks stayed there for several days until the council, or possibly some other students, carted it away.
(Fri 11th Jan 2008, 0:00, More)

» Evil Pranks

While at university, I once filled Bugsy's bed with beef flavoured crisps.

Upon returning from the pub that evening and discovering this, he cycled the five miles or so to my house, and emptied a catering-sized can of baked beans and two bottles of head and shoulders over my car.

I don't think I won that round.
(Fri 14th Dec 2007, 1:41, More)
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