» The worst sex I ever had

Drunken Mess
'Twas not so long ago, about 6 weeks in fact.

The scene: house party. Full of 18 year-old lazy cunts and everyone of them rolling huge spliffs with the Town's finest skunk (me included), empty Jack Daniels bottles strewn accross the living room and the stairs. Just a general mess that you would expect from a bunch of college/6th form students. Anyway, I digress.

The girl: ooh she was gorgeous. Just a bit shorter than me, brunette, lovely figure with a bit of meat on her. Perfect. I was getting on with my smoking when she came over and asked for a toke. 'Sure, go ahead' was my reply, and we shared the rest of the spliff and got talking.

Fast-forward to about 3am when a lot of people had left. 'Fancy finding a bed' I suggested, 'Yeah, might as well' she said. SWEET, guaranteed shag (or so I thought).

We went upstairs in search of a free room...jackpot, the double was free. I got on and she quickly followed. We started frantically kissing and after I'd had enough I took her jeans off as quickly as I could and slipped a couple of fingers inside. She was loving it so I moved in with my tongue. Now, at this point, I was hard and this is where it starts going downhill...

I'd had enough of the foreplay and wanted to get my dick wet. She knew this and returned the favour by stripping me naked and getting a taste of sausage. I was grinning like a Cheshire cat as I hadn't had this much action in months. She removed her lips and it was time for the main event. 'Have you got a condom' she asked, 'Yeah' I said and handed it to her to put it on.

She put it on, I put it in and I went soft. FUUUUUUUUUUUCK! What the Buh-Jesus was happening to me? (Ten pint cans of Strongbow and countless spliffs). I didn't even have to take it out, it just flopped out like a dead mackerel or something like that.

'Fuck sake........I'm...........this has never hap....' I was mumbling like a cunt. 'Look, it doesn't matter, I understand. You've had a lot to drink'. She tried to make me feel better but it only made me feel worse. I fucked off to sleep on the couch and she rolled over with the double to herself.

In the morning I went before anyone and back to the safety of my own home where nobody could laugh at my shrinking cock. I went to sleep. It must've been about midday when a text woke me up, a number I didn't know: 'Thanks for last night babe. I really like you, don't worry about what happened I want to meet you again. Luv K.'

'Get in' I wailed and replied straight away. We met the next Friday and now we've been together over a month.

Apologies for length? Well, I suppose so. Apparantly on Friday I was 'hung for fun'.

b3ta cherry well and truely *popped*
(Tue 19th Jun 2007, 18:22, More)