b3ta.com user pizzaforcat
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37/m/Mildly irritated programmer living in a very cold part of Australia. Can't do design for shit, but can make one hell of an input form.

Easily amused.

pizzaforcat at hotmail dot com for the msn thingie

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» Cougars and Sugar Daddies

Unexpected non-rejection
When I was a much younger, much goth-ier pizzaforcat, in my more nihilistic moods I'd go to art exhibition openings with my brother, where we'd get truly wasted on free, cheap cask red and compete to see who could get rejected by the angriest lesbian we could find.

Sometimes, however, the shaven headed 50 year old woman in the bikie gear is actually just a 50 year old bikie that is flattered by the attention from a drunken young man, not a bull dyke.

Oddly she was one of the best shags I've had before or since, and we're still mates :)
(Wed 10th Dec 2008, 23:09, More)

» I'm going to Hell...

In the clink
A few years ago I was stuck in Alice Springs, desperate for a job. Alice is a weird place to live- there's loads of work there for pretty much anyone with any qualifications whatsoever (even if you made them up- I had a mate once who ended up driving a steamroller because he got drunk and fibbed that he could in front of someone desperate for a driver).

So, one day I got a job working in a gaol, teaching aboriginal fellas how to use computers (which quickly turned into teaching them to read first, then trying to remember how to use NT4, as they weren't allowed to use anything with usb support).

Which is all very well and good. Except that when my mum came for a visit, I told her that things didn't work out too well, and I've had to go to prison, and could she pick me up on her way through...

Sorry Mum :)
(Wed 17th Dec 2008, 0:23, More)

» Churches, temples and holy places

Demon child?
Like Que?, I'm not religious, and neither was the mother of my child at the beginning. This all changed when she joined the Army. The military, it seems encourages a belief in an afterlife, so you're not so worried about getting shot at.

So, it's off to the church we go for a good-ol' dunking.

Now, my boy is a bit aspie, not full-on autistic, just... left of centre. But, when he was little, it was much more pronounced. Aspie kids have serious issues with very specific things. My boy's issue was anything on his face. And music, couldn't stand it...

So, when it came time for his baptism, he bravely toddled up to the priest, who then dunked water on the boy's head. Some trickled into his face, while the little old lady kicked in a hymn.

The water on teh face and music were too much for the little bugger, who started screaming, dropped to the floor and tried to wipe it off on the carpet, all the while screaming 'It hurts, get it off!'...

Child's mum, evidently worried sick, goes to pick him up but at that *exact* moment has last night's curry make a reappearance at both ends.

The funny thing was- it wasn't any of the upright churchy ladies, or gents in thier Sunday finest that did anything to help, it was my dreadlocked, goth'd up pagan mate who'd come for a laugh at me being forced to endure this that got up and helped carry my boy's mum off the stage.

Still. Something to poke fun at him about when he's older..
(Wed 7th Sep 2011, 7:42, More)

» Sticking it to The Man

And another one...
I have this habit (hopefully broken now) of working for the dodgiest companies you can imagine. The last one was bad- late pay, daily checks of the fuel levels in the generator in case the power was cut again and we needed to keep the servers up for a few days while they got it sorted, but the one before was even worse.

Worse in the 'I'm not going to pay your taxes that I withhold from your wages because I'm special and different and the law doesn't apply to me*', and in the 'When you're here I want to see you working all the time. I don't pay you to sit around and play games' kind of way, but also worse in the demonstrably not a fucking clue what, exactly it was that the programmers did kind of way, so a screen full of code, and some mumblings about 'event-driven models' were enough to keep teh boss satisfied that we were indeed slaving away at his bidding.

Except it was code for a project Legless paid me to do. For the last 3 months I was there...

* It does. As do anti-piracy laws- 3D Studio Max, Adobe CS3 complete, Flex, Windows- pretty much everything... costing about $50k after being dobbed in by a disgruntled ex-employee... You can be a prick of a boss, or run a dodgy shop, but you can't be both...
(Tue 22nd Jun 2010, 5:56, More)

» Guilty Laughs

Political correctess gone MAD!
Mad I tells you :) My son's school has, as do most in Australia, a government-funded committment to our aboriginal heritage.

To this end, they have the National Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Week.

NATSI week. I shit you not.

It was pretty hard keeping it together when the local elder for hire was giving his sppech, telling us how much all the NATSI people have suffered...
(Sun 25th Jul 2010, 8:47, More)
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