b3ta.com user 'O'
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Living in Scotland and having as much fun as i can while i still can. I don't want to be old, infirm and wrinkly wishing i'd lived out my fantasies.....I want to be enjoying my memories and shocking anyone who happens my way!!

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Best answers to questions:

» Voyeurism

Whilst on a driving lesson
.....with a pupil we were in a busy supermarket car park on a saturday afternoon doing bay parking.
I asked her to drive up towards the red car parked in a slightly quieter corner of the car park, as i was about to ask her to park i noticed a couple in the red car snogging passionately with their hands all over each other. I decided that perhaps we'd just drive off somewhere else and leave them to get on with their liason, i explained this to the pupil and pointed out the couple who you could barely see now as the windows had almost completely steamed up.

Now, this is when my pupil suddenly decides to become extremely embarrassed, buries her head on the steering wheel and beeps the horn REALLY loudly!

I have never seen two people jump about in a car so quickly pulling on clothes, straightening hair and driving off as fast as possible!!!
(Fri 12th Oct 2007, 0:33, More)

» Expensive Mistakes

We all make mistakes
I had just qualified as a driving instructor and had my first ever brand new car all gleaming shiny and new.
Two weeks had gone by of teaching lessons and everything was going swimmingly until i had THE pupil from hell. Never taken any lessons before and expected to pass a test after ten hours driving.....impossible these days even if you're good at it!!
She was hopeless and i was having to take my time over the simplest of things like moving the car in the first bloody place.

I'd like to point out at this time that during my training i'd never been taught when to use the dual control brake as my instructor didn't have one and he'd only ever told me to shout stop if necessary.

So, day three of daily lessons and trying to get her to move off from behind a parked car (not too near it but unfortunately not far enough away) she pulls off the clutch too soon....the car goes shooting forward...i shout stop...she hits gas...we go even faster and i recall thinking where's my f____ing brake just as we smash against the car in front. Not happy enough with having hit one car she decides she might make a day off it and now we're heading straight for the cars parked on the other side of the road! With my life flashing in front of my eyes i finally find the brake and stop us from any more needless carnage.

Brand new shiny car i was so proud of off to the garage with thousands of pounds worth of damage to mine and other car.

Needless to say i never forgot where my brake was again or when to use it, i'd have no car left by now otherwise!
(Fri 26th Oct 2007, 16:41, More)

» Insults

Actually happened to me
Is it in yet?
(Thu 4th Oct 2007, 14:41, More)

» The Dirty Secrets of Your Trade

I'd never do this but.......
When you're learning to drive and you keep stalling and not sure why it's probably because your driving instructor is doing it deliberately to irritate the prat of a driver behind you who can't wait patiently for two minutes!!

When you get told to book your driving test just after christmas or new year it's so that you can't stop your lessons if you're skint and that way he/she'll not be skint!!

One thing you should never do though is think you've been taking lessons forever because your instructor is just out to get as much money from you as he/she can, believe me....it's becuase you're CRAP!!!!
(Wed 3rd Oct 2007, 22:50, More)

» Accidental innuendo

Accidental Spoonerism rather than Innuendo
When i used to work with children i was playing a game with a group of 3/4 year olds. I wanted them to close their eyes so asked them to 'keep your eyes tut shite'!!

Thankfully none of them noticed
(Wed 18th Jun 2008, 10:23, More)
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