b3ta.com user Prinskipper Skipple
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» Sleepwalking

One way to end a beautiful friendship...
When my parents were in their twenties they rented a house in the countryside with a group of friends (some with children in tow) in order to enjoy a lovely weekend away. Lo and behold they get pished up that night and one of the men takes a midnight wander to the toilet. Cue horrified parent coming into their baby's room just in time to see their former friend relieving himself into their six month old babies crib. And they ssay my generation is bad.
(Thu 23rd Aug 2007, 15:03, More)

» Accidental innuendo

Birdy num nums
My mum was once given some bird feed (consisting of nuts and seeds) by a pleasant old man living in our hamlet in Oxfordshire. Mum loved her birds dearly (especially the great tits) and having seen her birds enjoy the mix heartily was keen to express her gratitude. She didn't, however, think this through when, one day, she saw Mr Griffin walking past and yelled "Oh Mr griffin, you she see my tits on your nuts". Oops.
(Wed 18th Jun 2008, 17:37, More)

» I Drank Meths (pointless teenage things you did to shock)

Aged about 16...
I moved schools. When I went back for a speakers dinner (wtf!) a my old school I decided to get pissed up on the free sherry being handed around. After downing the granny beverage I then felt a little sick and my old biology teacher had to remove me to a taxi while I told him he was a wanker. In the taxi the driver warned me in no uncertain terms not to continue my puking just before I puked on my kilt which served aas a ramp spraying it onto the taxi's dividing plastic screen. I guess my rebelliousness ran out there cause I ended up giving him all my money while grovelling my way out of the taxi.
(Mon 23rd Jul 2007, 17:19, More)