b3ta.com user charliek
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Brit back home again.

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» Council Cunts

You think you have it bad...
Five years back Mrsk and I moved to France (cheaper wine, and yet to invent the Chav).

When it comes to buttock-clenchingly torturous bureaucracy, you can't beat the French (even the fudding word comes from the French).

Over 30 per cent of the French work force are employed by the government in some form or another, generally as 'fonctionaires' which is French for 'soulless vindictive rubber stamp monkeys'.

Some typical examples:

On settling here, we decided to apply for a 'Carte de Séjour', a kind of 'green card' that , amongst other things, entitles one to find work. In order to get one, we were told, we had to demonstrate that we had an income...

Recently, we started converting a derelict barn into a gîte - a kind of self-catering holiday let. In order to run it as a business, we decided to set up an SARL (a limited company). In order to complete the set-up of an SARL and receive the company inscription papers, you need a company bank account. In order to open a bank account for an SARL, you need to be able to provide the company's inscription papers...

People have been driving too fast through our village for some time (it's one of the more picturesque routes to access a rather lovely mountain). Recently, one of the mayor's dogs was run over, which has proven a wonderful catalyst for action: as we speak, one of our neighbours, a local council employee, has been telling me about the progress with installing the speed bumps. Thanks to the French equivalent of the Road Lobby (who campaign for the right to drive too fast through villages), speed bumps are all but banned in France - the only way you can put one in, is if it protects a pedestrian crossing. Two houses up the road from here now have their own private pedestrian crossings which lead from the end of their drives to the other side of the road where there is a low wall and a 6m cliff down to the river...

Still, if either of them decide to end it all by hurling himself into the raging torrent, he'll run less risk of being hit by a car en route (as we say hereabouts).
(Sun 29th Jul 2007, 9:57, More)

» Teenage Crushes - Part Two

Nastassja Kinski
in 'Cat People' catapaulted me through puberty. Even the soundtrack still gives me goosebumps. And that secene with with the lithe, naked and rain-soaked Nastassja... BRB
(Sat 7th Nov 2009, 9:59, More)

» IT Support

By a strange coincidence, I just happened to
stumble upon this: http://funnies.paco.to/content/view/92/

So I thought I'd bring it to your attention. :)
(Sat 26th Sep 2009, 13:33, More)