» Drugs

When I had only been smoking jazz-cigarettes for about a month
I was in a small bedroom with about 7 other people all smoking pot, and watching Pineapple Express. About halfway through the film, everyone's pretty baked, and me and my friends hear someone come into the house. There were 10 other people living in the house, so we assumed it was just one of them.

A few minutes pass, and we then hear a very loud knock on the door to the room we were in. Not the sort of knock a housemate would give. Everyone just looks at each other quizically, until we hear a gruff voice inquire "Are you smoking cannbis in there?". Everyone's eye's widened in absolute horror, as various people start trying to hide everything incriminating. "Open the door!" shouts the voice. One of the residents goes to the door and opens it. A cloud of smoke exits the room and everyone could see a police officer standing there, visibly recoiling at the pungent fog of smoke which confronted him. I shat a brick.

"Everybody out of the room, please." said the voice, in a relaxed but authorative tone. Everybody slowly shuffled out of the room, eye's blood-shot and pupils wide, all looking at their shoes, knowing they were in trouble. As I exited the room I saw another police officer, looking rather stern, accompanied by one of the accommodation's security guards, who'd obviously let them in. I knew we were in trouble.

Then something unexpected happened.

"We don't care if you're smoking weed. We just came 'round to tell you there's been a lot of robberies in the area, so just keep an eye out." said the officer in a friendly manner. Everyone let out a long sigh of relief. We then had quite a long chat with the policemen. They were asking if we were having a good night and if the film was any good etc. Really nice guys! Probably had a good chuckle about scaring us so much though.
(Sat 18th Sep 2010, 16:35, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

Brandy Bird.
Not me, but my grandmother.

She was just taking a walk outside when she found a sparrow laying on the floor. It was covered in blood and had obviously been attacked by a cat. My grandmother's a bit of an animal lover, so she picked it up carefully in her hands and carried inside, laying it down as softly as she could with the intention of caring for it until it was better.

At this point she thought to herself "Hmm, what would make me feel better if I'd just been attacked by a cat? I know! Brandy!". So she proceeded to pour out a tiny amount of brandy, she put it to the poor bird's beak and slowly tipped it back. The bird managed to swallow all of it and almost instantly perked up.

After a few seconds it was back to its lively self, quite amazing really. It got up and started flying manically around the room, tweeting like a squeaky toy owned by a hyper-active dog. It flew around the house for a coupld of minutes with my grandma chasing it frantically, when all of a sudden it dropped down to the floor. Dead.

At least it died happy.
(Sat 8th Dec 2007, 14:50, More)

» Dumb things you've done

A couple of years ago...
A girl asked me out, and I know I'm not the best looking guy around, but she really wasn't pleasent to look at. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be mean, she just didn't look after herself. I guess you could say she was a bit of a goth, with too much bad make-up and too many piercings. She could have won first place in a Bug-Blatter Beast of Traal look-a-likey competition. Think Brian Blessed and Maralyn Manson's illegitimate love-child.

Anyway, back to the story. One of her friends came up to me and asked if I'd go out with her (I had a bright red mohawk at the time, as a dare for Red Nose Day, I guess this is what attracted her). I immediately assumed that she was joking, I mean, who in their right mind would ask me out? (Me forgetting that this girl was most certainly not in her right mind) I knew the person doing the asking quite well, so jokingly responded "No, I'm gay". She didn't see it as a joke. She went and told her anxiously waiting friend, who then burst into tears and ran away.

If this wasn't bad enough, it seems that the rumours have spread, and to this day I'm still asked frequently whether or not I'm gay. This means that I don't have a girlfriend, which makes people think that I'm gay. It's a vicious circle. :(
(Mon 24th Dec 2007, 19:37, More)