b3ta.com user TooMuch2AM
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I have my own webshite! on which lives my b3ta gallery

Mikeeboy - 29yr old full time IT Monkey and occasional photoshopper, often found fiddling with shiny silver gadgets (when not preoccupied by Belgian lager), skiing the internet and bigging it up on videotron games.

Hailing from Greater Manchester but Based in the leafy and historic (if a bit strange) city of Nottingham.

Voted most likely to say "F**k it, let's go to the pub" in fact - F**k it... I'm off to the pub...

MSN Messenger: TooMuch2AM at Hotmail dot Com


Email: mike at mikefairclough.com

This is me pixelized by Mictoboy
(click it for more of his work)


Oh, and this is me (with a hangover!)

Laters peeps!

PS - here are my frontpagers that were broken when I changed hosts:

Recent front page messages:

The Tea Otter was one of natures most elusive creatures...

(Wed 23rd Mar 2005, 9:58, More)

Fast food for goths...

FP! - why thank you one and all! *mwah!*
(Mon 5th Jul 2004, 0:07, More)

Poor Taloola...

(Mon 8th Dec 2003, 23:43, More)

Flaming Europcar!

(Tue 2nd Dec 2003, 12:41, More)

New from Apple ...

Woo - frontpager, not had one in a while, cheers! ;O)
(Tue 25th Nov 2003, 13:58, More)

What do you need Neo, besides a miracle?...
... buns ... lots of buns.

Clickety Biggedy
(Sat 18th Jan 2003, 19:20, More)

Queeny was more than happy...
...with the results of her pioneering knee surgery

(Tue 14th Jan 2003, 10:29, More)

Pesky terms and conditions....

(Mon 13th Jan 2003, 14:20, More)

Angelina has really started to let herself go....

(Sun 12th Jan 2003, 22:24, More)

Archer's worry lines spoke volumes about his inner torture...

(Fri 11th Oct 2002, 10:58, More)

And let slip the dogs of war!

(Thu 3rd Oct 2002, 14:20, More)

It was at that point...
... that Bruce suddenly remembered his fear of heights

(Sun 22nd Sep 2002, 16:22, More)

Don't frow ... bladdy spears ... at me!

(Sat 21st Sep 2002, 17:46, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Petty Sabotage

Not me, but a school friend of my dad's....
Back in the 50's during my dad's school days there was no such thing as borstal and ASBO's and japery was a part of life, especially at school.

Now one particular school friend of my dad was well known for his practical jokes, but perhaps best known to this day for one quite spectacular jape.

The school dad attended (and also my alma mata) is a Church of England school and regularly has hymns at assembly in the mornings. Every day the rather haughty music teacher would embark on a frantic version of Kumbaya as the finale of the assembly.

Now this prankster was well connected so to speak, his dad worked the quarries and as such dealt in things like blasting caps and dynamite. The stuff of young boys dreams? You betcha!

And now the genious bit. Prankster decides it's time to dip into his considerable stash of small blasting caps to effect his latest plan. What can he blow up? The toilets? The tuck shop? Nah...

He only goes and wires a small blasting cap to the middle C on the piano in the hall...

Obviously word gets out and thus approaches the most anticipated assembly in the history of the school.

The assembly proceeds as normal, then the music teacher sits down for the usual Hymn.

Kumbaya m'lord, Kumbay*BANG*

One destroyed piano, a music teacher with brown pants and 250 hysterical kids.

Best thing is, I don't think anyone ever found out who did it, but it cemented his reputation as the North Wests best ever school prankster.
(Wed 4th May 2005, 11:59, More)

» Have you ever been rude to a celebrity?

Mick Hucknall
Was done like a kipper by a mate of mine once.

Mate in question was working at Tower Records in London at the time and was restocking some shelves when he feels this tap on his back.

He stands up to see Mick Hucknall and three hairy arsed bouncers stood there. The tap had come from Mr Hucknall's silver topped walking cane.

Seeing that my mate was in the way, Hucknall wafts this cane of his in a 'get out of the way oink' manner, not saying a word.

Cool as a cucumber my mate stands up, looks Mick Hucknall square in the eyes and says:


(Thu 15th Apr 2004, 15:21, More)

» Pure Ignorance

My Dear Old Nan...
Many years ago (I was about 10) we were on a family holiday in Cyprus. We were sat outside a bar about 8pm and the air was starting to get a nip in it.

Suddenly, up pipes Nan: "Look at that poor woman over there, she's got no arms!" she says with great concern.

"Mother, she's wearing a shawl" points out my mum with some disdain...

A Couple of years later we were on another Holiday and my Nan decides she needs the loo. When she returns she has a stern look on her face because "There was a woman coming out of the toilets when I went in, I said hello but she completely ignored me!".

A few minutes later my Mum returns from said convenience. "Mother, this woman who ignored you; what was she wearing?" says mum. "Oh, she was dressed a bit like me" says Nan.

It only turns out there is a full length mirror behind the door...
(Tue 11th Jan 2005, 16:50, More)

» It was a great holiday, but...

Where to start...
- Suddenly realising you're in a gay bar in Montpellier when the power to the entire town goes out.

- Getting chased by english football fans (Chelsea) through the streets of Milan for having the audacity to support an italian team (Inter) in their own city.

- Flying back from Portugal on 'Air Atlantis' and landing so hard (on the second attempt) that the plane bounced off the runway and came down so hard it buckled the cargo bay door.

- Almost getting robbed by scammers in Prague.

- Getting lost in the dodgiest red light district in Paris at 4am.

- Realising the jellyfish I'm stood next to in the sea at Albufuera really WAS a Portuguese Man of War.

- Returning to the hotel in Cyprus after a night out to be told that it was on fire.

and by far the scariest...

- Being in a full on football riot after rather foolishly deciding to attend the Slavia Prague vs Sparta Prague derby game; ripped up seats, riot rozzers cracking heads, knives, clubs, fists, the lot.

They never put any of this shit in the brochures, that's for sure...
(Thu 21st Apr 2005, 16:52, More)

» Claims to Fame

I put the 'me' in Ameoba,
I ruled the primordial soup,
I was the first ever zygote,
and made little creatures from gloop.

I was the king of the dino's,
greater than any t-rex,
I saw the start of the stone age,
and Adam and Eve having sex.

I was the hairiest cave man,
with the largest of all overbites,
that and a big club's what made me,
the king of the old troglodytes.

I lit up all the dark ages,
the history that noone could see,
the darkest of all mankinds pages,
we only had candles y'see.

I was King Henrys food taster,
from chicken to large artichokes.
I dabbled with one of his ladies,
and he cut off my bonce with a stroke.

I led the French Revolution,
And stormed at the Bastilles great gates,
I didn't know then my solution,
Would end up as a new-fascist state.

I was Will Shakespeares ghost writer,
and penned all the best of his work,
Infact all the stuff that he's written,
is the kind Barbera Cartland would shirk.

I popped a cap in Duke Ferdinand,
and created the worlds first drive by,
I charged the guns at the battle of somme,
and shot at the whites of their eyes.

I designed Hitlers square moustache,
to make him look totally gay,
I brought an end to the nazi's,
and shagged Eva Braun on the way.

I was the man who killed Kennedy,
as I shot from the old grassy knoll,
I got lots of cash from the mafia,
and a shag off a nice gangsters moll.

I came all over Lewinski,
and ruined her nice summer dress,
but who would have thought that my jism,
would cause Mr Clinton such stress?,

I was behind 9-11,
it's reasons were far from insane,
Bush told us to kill all the muslims,
despite his complete lack of a brain.

So after all this I'm quite knackered,
I've been busy I'm sure you'll agree,
so next time I'm reincarnated,
I want to come back as a tree...

Mikee, aged 30 & 1/3rd
(Thu 24th Feb 2005, 21:45, More)
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