» Karma

Short and sweet.
About 6 months ago karma visited me while I was in a car park.

My car is not fantastic, it is an e-reg fiat panda. I was parked next to a pretty nice car, BMW something. BMW driver and I return to our cars at the same time.

"Nice car" BMW driver sneers before jumping into their car. Now I am not sure of the BMW was a new acquisition for this driver but he seemed to have forgotten where reverse was and instead of reversing at speed out of his parking space and leaving me in a cloud of dust he drove straight forward into the wall of the car park.

I smiled and waved on my way out.
(Wed 27th Feb 2008, 18:19, More)

» When Animals Attack

Animals are a good judge of character
Ex-Mr Monkey is twunt on a major scale. It takes most people a few meeting to see that, animals on the other hand can spot it right away (yeah for animals).

One occasion we went for a walk, bumped into a mate walking her dog. Dog makes a fuss of me, makes a fuss of Monkey jrs, goes up to ex as if to make a fuss of him but instead bites him. Not a major attack but I love that Dog!! (He is still the only person that Dog has ever biten)

Length - only seconds but he moaned about his hand hurting for ages.
(Sun 27th Apr 2008, 11:10, More)

» Terrible Parenting

Terrible parenting turned good!
Ex-Mr-IckleMonkey is a fuckwit. Until recently that is. Won't go into it too much, god knows if I get started about what a fuckwit he was I would be here well into the next QOTW.

Any hoo, recently he has come to his senses, and his parental involvement is now limited to sending some money every month, woooo hooooo! It is the best thing that he could ever do for icklemonkey jr and icklemonkey jr#2.

*pop* my cherry is gone.

Icklemonkey Xxx

P.S on a recent shopping trip with my Dad I went off to buy a present for icklemonkey jr's upcoming birthday. Icklemonkey Jr and Icklemonkey jr #2 were playing happily, I thought that they were safe under the watchful eye of grandad monkey. I was gone less than 3 minutes, when I came back he had LOST icklemonkey jr #2. How I will never understand as she provides a constant and very loud commentary to the world around us. I found her 15 minutes later helping one of the ladies that worked in the shop re-fill the shelves.
(Wed 22nd Aug 2007, 12:43, More)

» DIY disasters

Tales of Ma and Pa Monkey – Pa and the tree
Ma and Pa monkey bought a house with a lovely little tree in the front garden. Lovely little tree had massive roots. Massive roots were getting too close to the foundation of the house and it blocked Ma’s view from the kitchen window. Little tree had to go.

Pa monkey wonders off to the local tool hire centre and hires a shiny chain saw and sets to work removing the tree from the garden. Ma watches on from the kitchen window. Ma thinks that playing with chain saws looks like a lot of fun and wants a turn.

Most of the tree felling part of the job is done so Ma thinks it is a perfect opportunity to get her mitts on the new toy. “Can I have a turn Pa?” “Of course Ma”. There follows a brief lesson on how to use a chainsaw. “Now Ma” says Pa “I want you to cut this log just here, I will hold it still for you”

Ma and Pa don’t have a great deal of sense between them. Pa holds the log about an inch away from where he wants Ma to cut so combining holding the log and marking where the log should be cut. He had underestimated how little strength Ma has in her upper body. As she goes to cut the log she cannot fully control the chain saw and takes off the tips of Pa’s fingers as she cuts into the log.

That was the first and last time that Pa hired a chain saw.

Length? Hire was 24 hours
(Sat 5th Apr 2008, 13:54, More)

» Have you ever seen a dead body?

Yes...
A big group of young teenagers including a 14 year old Icklemonkey got off the bus on the way to a disco. The disco was on the other side of the road. It was a busy road. Some of us looked where we were going. Some of us didn't. We were all pretty lucky, apart from one boy.

It was a 30mph limit but in my somewhat hazy memory of events the car driver actually put his foot down as he drove towards the group of over excited kids crossing the road. The boy in question was 12/13. When the car hit him he was thrown into the air and landed on the path on the other side of the road. It is true, it really knocks you right out of your shoes.

It was about 10 minutes between the accident and him becoming a dead body.

He was incredibly brave, unlike the rest of us who were unhurt but screaming like only teenagers can.

Upset? yes, traumatised? very, relieved? no, like poking him with a stick, not at all but the driver of the car, bashing him with a very big stick a lot of times definately.

On a brighter note also went to the bodywork exhibition when it was in London and I thought that it was amazing and I am very grateful to the people who allowed their bodies to be displayed in such a way.
(Thu 28th Feb 2008, 14:51, More)