b3ta.com user Rammer
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» House Guests

A mild incident (I am trying to forget all the awful ones)...
My wife and I stayed over one night at her friends' house after a nice big boozy dinner. THis was not your crappy student flat - we were all grown up and in nice houses with bought furniture and the like.

I woke in the morning to a pretty frosty reception. Not unknown - my wife doesn't really drink and I drink her share to avoid offending our hosts; with the usual expected consequences. THat morning I recalled how I had a strange dream that I couldn't get into the bed the night - the duvet wouldn't come off. It was all very odd.

She pointed ot the corner of the room from where I had apparently proceeded to pull up their fitted carpet and crawl underneath it to sleep before returning to bed a few hours later on account of the cold.
(Fri 7th Jan 2011, 12:01, More)

» Tactless

Jailbird who will hunt me down...
When I was a young trainee solicitor I was sent up to the High Court in Edinburgh to look after a young guy. He was appealing against the length of the sentence given to him : 5 years for breaking into an old lady's house and holding her hostage (of sort) with an airgun before nicking some cash and doing a bunk. Now if someone did that to my gran I'd happily kill him but when I met this guy he was a miserable shambles. He was 19, had had an incredibly shitty life to date and was clearly not quite intellectually all there. Frankly it was clear that what the guy needed was not The Jail but someone to give him a job and a bit of guidance in life.

Anyway, the Scottish Judiciary upheld his sentence and I had to accompany him down to the cells. His mum and aunties were all down there and the place was a river of tears. The court officers huckled them away and their hands were outstretched and they were crying "son, son...". He was sobbing, gutterally, in an extremely undignified way. It was quite moving and upsetting.

Anyway that was that - the guy was in tears and he was being taken back down to the court cells pending transport to Saughton Prison so I offered all the counsel and advice that my weeks of experience in the criminal court system had given me. Which was

"I'll see you in about 5 years then."
(Fri 4th Nov 2011, 9:55, More)

» Little Victories

Not the same as Richard Madeley at all
I was in the supermarket just before Xmas doing a small shop, just enough for an evening meal for Mrs Rammer and the Wee Rammers. I had already crashed plenty cash in the pre-Xmas run up and had resolved to avoid spending too much more but decided to treat myself and buy a bottle of expensive(ish) whisky.

This was a bit of indulgence and I felt a small amount of guilt about it, esp. as Mrs Rammer and the Wee Rammers were getting frozen pizza for tea rather then baked sea bass (or whatever).

Because I only had a basket I want to the self service counter and started scanning. The whisky, being expensive was in a box and the bottle had one of the anti theft devices on it. I asked one of the assistants to remove the device. She took the bottle out, removed the tag, put the bottle back in the box and put the box stright into my bag - missing out the scanner!

Happy days! I looked at her for a moment and she looked at me then turned away. As I am approaching middle age I flirted with the notion that she did it because she fancied me, then I got a grip and pressed the pay button, paid my 9 or so for the food and left with a free bottle of 40 whisky in my bag. I felt guilt for a moment or so but do enjoy a chuckle on the incident now and then. I told Mrs Rammer about it once the whisky was finished (I had to otherwise she would have made me return whatever was left and ask for forgiveness) - I cannot understand why women (well at least the ones I meet) have such an overdeveloped sense of guilt/righteousness.
(Fri 11th Feb 2011, 17:43, More)

» Utterly Drunk

taken from a previous QOTW
My wife and I stayed over one night at her friends' house after a nice big boozy dinner. THis was not your crappy student flat - we were all grown up and in nice houses with bought furniture and the like.

I woke in the morning to a pretty frosty reception. Not unknown - my wife doesn't really drink and I drink her share to avoid offending our hosts; with the usual expected consequences. THat morning I recalled how I had a strange dream that I couldn't get into the bed the night - the duvet wouldn't come off. It was all very odd.

She pointed ot the corner of the room from where I had apparently proceeded to pull up their fitted carpet and crawl underneath it to sleep before returning to bed a few hours later on account of the cold.
(Thu 14th Feb 2013, 16:20, More)

» My most gullible moment

Eastern Promise
During a fairly nondescript drinking session at University the chat turned to sex. It was pretty standard for 20 year old guys who weren't getting a great deal of it to talk about it a lot, usually speculating wildly.

One of our number was quite successful with women and he tended to give quite descriptive talks on the relative merits of differing types of women. There were not many who would challenge him on knowledge of naked women.

Someone (I don't remember who - I can only just remember the event) however persuaded our hero that women from the Far East had vaginas which ran in a manner which was horizontal rather than verical. Left to right rather than front to back if you will.

Please bear in mind that this is in the mid 80's so it was not possible to easily check this out by going on the internet - you would have had to purchase some pretty specialist reading material to disprove this proposition.

Anyway, the matter was forgotten about - as I said it was not an evening of note.

A couple of years passed and a few of us met up at the wedding of a friend and our hero was there with his girlfriend who was an attractive japanese girl. At one point in the evening the chaps were talking when out of nowhere our mutual friend remarked that he considered us all to be a "shower of bastards."

When pressed it transpired that the reason was that since that evening he had been one a one man quest to fid out the truth and had eventually managed to lure this girl into bed only to be presented with a perfectly normal vagina shaped vagina. It was quite clear that this ranked as one of the major disappointments in his life.
(Fri 22nd Aug 2008, 10:46, More)
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