» Hidden talents

Hidden talent catches the bird!
Hey Folks!

Did I ever tell you about my first date with the soon to be Mrs Fairholme?

No?

Ok, I'll tell you now!

As many of you may have followed my old (and quite frankly embarrassing) accounts (s0ckpuppet, misery and the like), you'll likely remember that I spent a large part of time in WA's Chinatown where I worked in a large Asian catering company.

By default, I ate every meal there and became exceptionally proficient with the use of chopsticks. So much so, that I used them expertly to impress and woo my wife-to-be.

Can you see where this is going b3tans?

No?

Ok, I'll enlighten you!

Our first date was a local Chinese eatery, I knew it to be a good 'um as the bosses of the catering company ate there. After we'd sat down and ordered, I began to showcase my hidden talents!

Whilst Mrs F watched in sheer amazement, I slowly withdrew a cigarette from my pack on the table, popped it in my mouth, lit it, took a few puffs and then crushed it into the ashtray.

AND I DID IT ALL USING CHOPSTICKS!

Can you believe that?

No?

Well guys and girls, it's true. 100% rock-solid truth, baby! And what happened next? Well readers, I married her!

Rob x
(Tue 22nd Apr 2014, 15:19, More)

» My job: Expectation vs Reality

This one happened just last night
I'm at our SoftBall club's season launch and coaches/managers meeting as both a committee member and coach of my daughter's team.

A fellow committee member - I'll call him Reginald sidles up to me. I wouldn't say Reg is a mate per-se but we serve on a couple of committees together (PCYC and SoftBall), we've known each other since both our kids started school and we always have a long natter/argument at the PCYC Grounds Committee meetings (Fri. arvo shout at the pub after work).

He's one of those borderline aspy types who it seems frequently opens his mouth before his brain properly engages and applies a filter to what he's saying and how he's behaving in social situations.
Some of his past exploits include - jokingly calling the PCYC president a cunt during a funny situation at a meeting. When queried by the secretary if he really wanted to say that he affirmed it repeating that said bloke was a cunt and then laughing uproariously. Duly noted in the minutes...

At one of our Grounds Committee meetings I saw a former work-mate Ben, who happens to play prop for an A grade local club. After a bit of to-&-fro I tell Ben to "Get fucked you dumbshit" (a throwback to our days at work when we'd give each other shit at knockoff). Reg jumps in very aggressively and tells Ben "Yeah, FUCK OFF!!". I managed to intercede but not before Ben gave Reg a need to iron his lapels and probably check his undies.

So last night - I'm talking to Reg and he motions over to our (fairly well endowed) club secretary. "I'll never get tired of look at those tits." he says to me. In a voice easily loud enough for her to hear. And Reg's missus whom she happens to be speaking to at the time. And most of the rest of the hall.

I shake my head and Reg almost shouts "What? I'm a married man mate."

"Not for very much longer." I mumble as I wander off to get some more sushi and fresh lemon, lime and soda.

Length? I'd say she's a 33D and isn't afraid to open the buttons on her committee shirt enough to show off a bit of cleavage.
(Sat 10th May 2014, 15:33, More)

» UFOs and close encounters

What do you do if you see a spaceman?
Park in it, man.
(Thu 8th May 2014, 15:56, More)

» Drunk Shopping

Ok, I'm sorry.
I never carried out my threat to contact any user's bosses / clients etc, I don't know who anyone is on here - I was just fronting.

I will behave. I won't lie. I won't mention my pool, my mother, my inheritance, my age or my wife. I'd just like to answer some qotw's and participate.

I'm not evil. I'm not bad. I haven't been half as rude as most people on here.

I promise to ignore and not respond to my tormentors. I'm even using my real name, as I accept that it was easily deducible from my previous posts on other websites. I apologise for ever denying that.

Live and let live?

Rob x
(Thu 17th Apr 2014, 13:28, More)

» Drunk Shopping

I got drunk once and made some silly threats on a messageboard.
And for that I am truly sorry.

I never carried out a single threat, as I'm sure you know.

I enjoy this place and would love to be a part of it again.

Thanks,

Rob x
(Thu 17th Apr 2014, 13:49, More)