» Famous people I hate

Just writing about these people is making me angry.............
CHRISTOPHER BIGGINS

Big slobbering nob jockey that he is - actually used to despise him and his constant playing of the dames in panto, but his appearance on Celebrity Come Dine With Me almost changed my perception of him - he seemed generous, funny and fairly down to earth. Until he uttered the following line

"I was at George Burns's 97th birthday party and I was sitting on the top table with Frank Sinatra, Sidney Poitier, Carol Channing, Shakira Caine, our hostess Barbara Davis and, of course, George.

The actor Dan Aykroyd, with whom I chatted just before we took our places, could clearly read my mind.

'Pinch yourself, Biggins. You don't often get evenings like this,' he whispered with a wink."

I refuse to live in a world where Frank Sinatra would tolerate such a monumental bell end!

JOHN BARROWMAN

We get it. You sing and like being the 2nd loudest man on earth behind Brian Blessed. Born in Scotland, brought up in Glasgow, and can still speak with a perfect Scottish accent. However, he decides to camp it up with an American accent. Grade A tosser

CAROL MCGIFFIN

Words cannot describe how much I hate this deluded, prattling bitch. She is not only wrong, but wrong at the top of her voice. How she's supposedly got a toy-boy lover is beyond me.
(Thu 4th Feb 2010, 12:46, More)

» School Days

Sergeant Bilko's dirty secret..........
I generally enjoyed school. Teachers were all mostly normal, got decent exam results and spent most of my 6th year playing football so have no complaints.

About the only thing I could complain about was a creepy Modern Studies teacher who had an uncanny resemblance to Sergeant Bilko. He was in his mid-50s and an ex-docker, and thought of himself as an equal to Billy Connolly in the "man of the people" stakes. He was in fact, a complete cretin. He had absolutely no interest in any of the males in his classes, as in he didn't even bother learning their names or asking them any questions. He was clearly getting his kicks in chatting up any girls in his classes - even if they were pig ugly. He also went on endlessly about his 2nd wife due to her being half his age - he was actually Partridge like with his "My wife ran off with a fitness instructor but now i have a russian girlfriend, Sonja, who is 14 years younger then me, Back of the net!", as if it made him some sort of super stud. Anyway, most folk in my year hated him for his creepy attitude towards any female, so it was with unbridled joy that this story broke in the summer holidays just after i left high school news.bbc.co.uk/1/low/scotland/1466530.stm

I was in Gran Canaria with 8 of my mates that summer, and we were only 2 days into our holiday when one of my mates came back from the shops with a Daily Record - with that story on the front page! Even further in it had his wedding photo and a full spread about his misdemeanour! I have never laughed so much in my entire life - and I couldn't think of someone more deserving of being caught than this specky, dimple chinned arsehole! He took a sickie from work, took the girl back to his house, but unfortunately his wife that day finished work early - and discovered a naked 14 year old hiding in her closet! He spent around 1 year in Barlinnie (a notoriously tough jail, even for the west of Scotland!) where I hope he was battered and beaten every day for being the complete and utter nonce that he was.

So in summary, I think every school had a slightly creepy, sinister teacher that pupils had their suspicions about - he was just one of the unfortunate ones that actually get caught! Happy days!
(Sun 1st Feb 2009, 11:53, More)