» Abusing freebies

cinnamon shreddies
A few years ago i worked in a toy shop. you can imagine the hell of xmas time, with its ever increasing hours and claustrophobia inducing crowds. so if there werre freebies for the customers they mostly ended up with the staff. none more so than the time we were supposed to give away a mini pack of cinnamon shreddies with ever purchase.

why? I have no bloody idea, i have no idea what correlation toys and shreddies had, except perhap the makers of shreddies thought it would be a good way to get to a target market of kids.

it wasn't. it got to a target market of stoner staff members. we all took a box of 24 home, some people took more.

i called round to a couple of lads i knew one night for a smoke and opened up their cupboards to find every single one filled with boxes, all stacked neatly.

we got a serious fit of the giggles imagining if the gardai called round (as they were due to as the lads had been broken into previously) and saw us sitting there surrounded by shreddies, with crumbs on our chins.

i don't even think most of the boxes were eaten , they were minging, and because of the sheer quantity they ended up going off before they could be consumed. but the 2 lads did try their best.
(Tue 13th Nov 2007, 13:41, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

cocks can be cruel
My friend is a farmer. The least likely looking farmer you'll meet. he looks like a young Rolf Harris. and is pretty arty to boot.
He rang me up one evening to tell me that a rooster kept attacking him. it would wait til he would come into the field and then launch himself at his face. his father kept making up excuses to send him into the field just so he could laugh at the hi-jinx. now my friend has glasses, which i pointed out should form some kind of protection. i also pointed out that HE WAS A SIX FOOT FARMER FROM THE WEST OF IRELAND and this animal isn't something he should he should be scared of!He replied "But he's fast, and agile"...to which i suitably burst out laughing.
a few Days later he rang me and told me that he had tried to fight of the rooster with a brush, it didn't work so he just threw the brush at the rooster. i only wish i could have seen the goofiness but the mental images are priceless.

i mean really unless the rooster was like the one Peter has a on going battle with in Family Guy, this is not a creature a grown man should be scared of

eventually the rooster became too cocky (ahem) and started attacking his father. Who broke his neck.

Apparently although kind of tough, it was the most satisfying meal my friend ever had. The wuss.
(Wed 12th Dec 2007, 11:20, More)

» When Animals Attack

pearoast
cocks can be cruel
My friend is a farmer. The least likely looking farmer you'll meet. he looks like a young Rolf Harris. and is pretty arty to boot.
He rang me up one evening to tell me that a rooster kept attacking him. it would wait til he would come into the field and then launch himself at his face. his father kept making up excuses to send him into the field just so he could laugh at the hi-jinx. now my friend has glasses, which i pointed out should form some kind of protection. i also pointed out that HE WAS A SIX FOOT FARMER FROM THE WEST OF IRELAND and this animal isn't something he should he should be scared of!He replied "But he's fast, and agile"...to which i suitably burst out laughing.
a few Days later he rang me and told me that he had tried to fight of the rooster with a brush, it didn't work so he just threw the brush at the rooster. i only wish i could have seen the goofiness but the mental images are priceless.

i mean really unless the rooster was like the one Peter has a on going battle with in Family Guy, this is not a creature a grown man should be scared of

eventually the rooster became too cocky (ahem) and started attacking his father. Who broke his neck.

Apparently although kind of tough, it was the most satisfying meal my friend ever had. The wuss.
(Sun 27th Apr 2008, 9:41, More)

» Shit Stories: Part Number Two

My mate Brian
once did a shit so big that he had to cut it in 2 with a bread knife so it would flush.

i don't know why he chose to tell anyone this because, despite it happening probably 7 years ago, maybe more, we still tell everyone that he meets about it.


More recently he took a shit that was so girthsome that he felt his sphincter close up like a door in 2001: A Space Odyssey. Another friend had to go have a look at it. Apparently it was as wide as a can of coke. And really long
(Fri 28th Mar 2008, 21:55, More)

» Evil Pranks

this is really fucked up
2 friends F and B started to snort pills after a long night of ingesting them. B went to the toilet and F took a line and managed to cut the inside of his nose with the note he had used to snort
and lay on the ground so that when B came back from the toilet he walked into a room where his friend has seemingly overdosed.
Apparently B's face was priceless.
Poor guy.

apologies for lack of story telling skills i'm trying to write this with my course instructor lurking around.
(Thu 13th Dec 2007, 14:18, More)