b3ta.com user Bad_Dogg
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for Bad_Dogg:
Profile Info:


Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Anonymous

letter to a friends girl
About 12 or so years ago I was single, had a woeful job, and was generally not the happy Badd_Dog I am today.

At the same time a friend of mine "Tom" had been with his girlfriend "Caroline" for about 6 years and had been doing the nasty with her best friend "Lynne" for about a year as well.
The highlight of this affair was one post-pub night when we were all out we went all went back to Lynne's place. Here we all watched a porno that Tom had brought round which heavily featured anal. Caroline was sat between Toms legs, Lynne was sat to his right, and I was sat to his left. During one particularly rough anal scene Caroline looks up at Tom and says: "Don't get any ideas, I'm never doing that!". He turns and looks at Lynne and she nods at him knowingly - the look and nod effectively said "we're doing that later". He often stayed the night at Lynnes and Caroline would go home - she was a "mutual friend".

A week or two later Caroline found out about Lynne and Tom, but thought it was a one off...
This is where the relevent to the QOTW bit comes in: I anonymously sent Caroline a letter saying I was another women Tom had had an affair with (he had had other affairs) and that he'd been messing round for a couple of years. It also detailed some of his affair with Lynne.
Now you may think I did this to try and get with Caroline, but no - my motives were purely to help her. I knew that he was gonna get with Lynne but this would have dragged out for a loooong time. EVERYBODY knew about Tom and Caroline and it was only fair she knew as well. May not seem much like help at the time but it made sure she knew what a bastard Tom was (so no "we can work this out" talks) and it helped her make a clean break.

It worked out well for all parties. A year later we saw Caroline and she looked very fit. When she was with Tom she put on a lot of weight, when we saw the new slim and sexy Caroline one of my mates commented that Tom "must have taken her to Pizza Hut every day".
Tom and Lynne are now married with a sprogg.

I feel that my anonymous letter helped everyone get on with their lives much quicker, though you may all disagree!
(Fri 15th Jan 2010, 10:52, More)

» Anonymous

Your Country Needs You
Back during my college days and a couple of years before I got online with the magic of dial-up Internet, I used to buy a few lad mags a month; Loaded, FHM, Maxim, etc.
Each month without fail there would be adverts for joining the Army or the Navy where you could post off your name and address and they would send you an info pack.

One of Bad_Doggs better friends was (and still is to a degree) a 'fuller figured' gent and lazy as fuck. His number one catchphrase was "I can't be bothered".
So, for a bit of a giraffe I took it upon myself to fill in these coupons with my mates details... about six months in a row!
Several times he complained to me that "the fucking Army keep posting me shit". Got to the point that the Army telephoned him a few times trying to arrange a meeting as he'd "shown so much interest"

He never did join and never found out it was me, and I had six months of laughing maniacally to myself
(Mon 18th Jan 2010, 12:20, More)

» Tales of the Unexplained

That's no dog it's a...
Some years ago when me and my mate were about 15 we had got hold of some ciggies, and some fireworks in the form of bangers.

We made our way down to a railway crossing (I know what you're thinking; stupid twunts playing on the railway track, but it was actually a set of steps leading to the track that was to be our hang out for the evening).

We sat on the steps smoking, throwing the occasional banger into the undergrowth or putting a banger into an empty can.

It got to about 9pm and we'd run out of bangers and it was getting rather cold (being November and all) so we crossed the tracks carefully and started to climb the 1st couple of steps on the other side when we saw something moving towards us...

It was big, black and moved silently despite the fact it was walking on the loose stones they always have on railways.
A dog we said to ourselves and stood and watched as it came closer, but still it made no sound...
At this point in the low light we were getting quite spooked at how such a large dog could move so silently along loose stones so we decide to shed some light on the situation.

We had 2 lighters which we'd both adjusted so the flames were about 3 inches high when lit (mind your eyebrows) and we figured that animals have a fear of fire so this was a good idea all round - we'd get to see what it was then it would run away...

So we both ignite our lighters and it's suddenly very clear that the big black dog approching us is NOT a dog... It's face was perfectly feline and it's tail suddenly swooshed in a way no dog can.

My mate: "That's no dog! It's a..."
Me: "A bloody big cat!"
My mate: "We should run!"
Me: "A panther"
Me: "Thought they were scared of fire?"
Me, realising my mate has legged it I say one word to the panther: "Stay"

As far as I know the panther did stay, at least for long enough for me to make my escape. We got back to my parents house and locked the door firmly behind us.

Some people believed us, others laughed it off. Then 2 months later there were more sightings including one that was in the local rag - the vicars daughter that lived in the house opposite had seen the panther walking down the street, her and a couple of friends.

If I ever go over that railway crossing I still get the creeps now, more than 10 years later

What did I learn? Panthers are not afraid of lighters...
(Fri 4th Jul 2008, 11:14, More)

» First rude thing I ever saw

I'll show you mine, you show me all of yours...
Up until the age of 9 my Mum, Dad, Sister and me lived in a lovely old house at the top of a hill. I loved living here as it had a large barely overlooked garden and just loved the place in general.
Now having only lived here up until the tender age of 9 I can't have encountered any rudeness at that point... could I?..

One day when I was aged 7 or 8 my sister who is 3 years older than me had a group of her friends over who are also all 3 years my senior...

On that day we had a large tent up in the garden which I guess acted as a giant wendy / play house.
Now I don't really recall how this happened but I ended up in the tent with all my sisters friends heavily engaged in a session of you show me yours, I'll show you mine.
So there I am, the only male in this game proudly waving around "mine" with half a dozen or so older girls all keenly displaying theirs. This went on for what felt like a long time and it felt good! I liked this game.
Eventually my sister came back in the tent and told me to "put it away" and informed me that "it wasn't funny". By the time she'd uttered these words her friends were all covered up with just me left displaying the goods.

This would be my first rude thing (things I guess) I ever saw in the flesh. That said it was all very innocent at the time, at least for me ;-) Had this happened 5 or 6 years later I would've become a legend in my own lifetime, but alas there was no repeat.
(Tue 16th Aug 2011, 12:11, More)

» Tramps

"I curse you!!!"
Last year on a stag do in Dublin on the day we were leaving, we were walking over the Millenium Bridge when a tramp spoke to one of our party, John:

Tramp: "Have you got any spare change?"
John: "No, sorry"
Tramp: "None at all?" *holding out paper cup*
John: "I've only got enough for my breakfast"
Tramp: "I curse you!!! You have been cursed by me! I curse you!"
John: "Ok..?."

Fast forward a couple of hours and where crossing from Dublin to Holyhead on a seacat type vessel and it's really quite choppy. Nothing too unusaul there, but a couple of the seasick feeling in our group start to blame John on account of the tramp cursing him.

Back on dry land we caught our train out from Holyhead and as we pull into Bodorgan "station" the train comes to a halt... and doesn't move again for 3 hours!
It didn't take long for us to realise the cause of the breakdown - the curse the tramp put on John.

Now this curse had further consequences, one was that it seemed to cause another one of my mates Wayne to have excess wind (nothing to do with all the Guinness I'm sure). So we're stuck on a train for (an extra) 3 hours, the whole time Wayne (it's always a Wayne) is expelling noxious gasses into the confined environment.
One 'lady' on the train takes objection to Wayne lacing the air with the warning signs of what must be an imminent bowel movement:

Lady: "You make me sick you fucking animal"
Wayne: *rabbit in headlights*
Lady: "You fucking neanderthal. There are fucking kids on this fucking train don't you fucking realise!?!"
Wayne: "Calm down"
Lady: "You fucking disgusting pig. Just stop fucking farting, we're all stuck here and we have to breathe in your stinking fucking shit. And there's fucking kids on this fucking train."

Though I agreed with most of her arguements, I'm in no doubt that the "fucking kids on the fucking train" learn't a new fucking word that day.

So beware, a tramps curse is powerful enough to cross the sea and disable a train
(Fri 3rd Jul 2009, 11:33, More)
[read all their answers]