» Mobile phone disasters

Two Words... (with added juicy details)
Drunken Texting.

Ok, i'm not excellent at telling stories btw so probably on the wrong part of the site..

Anyways,

6 years ago I split up with my first proper bird. This wasn't exactly an ammicable break up but the bitch broke my heart. And my cock (which was the main reason I dumped her in the first place)

Avoiding the gory details she passed on a certain venerial disease starting with a G and then had the audacity to blame the infection on me.

Now I'm not the most comfortable person in the "love" department so i couldn't cheat on the bitch, even if i wanted to (wish i had tried now though) so i knew the only place it could have came from was Miss Bint.

Anyway after a massive course of anti-biotics lasting the best part of 2 weeks, the infection cleared up and i could finally start drinking again. So off i went into hamilton for a proper drinking session with my big cousin.

After about 2 hours in the what was Hamilton Palace (not sure if its still called that or even if its still open) i was completley tanked up and feeling slightly green around the gills. It may have been something to do with the alcohol restriction over the last fortnight, some after effects of the anti bios or even just a dodgy pint but still, i was out to enjoy myself.

So i step outside for a smoke (and some fresh air) and who do i bump into but Bitchy McCocksnogger with the proper ned holding her by the hips and staring down her top at what used to be "my" playthings. So i do what any reasonable person would have done and lamped the weegie bastard square in the beak.

That kind of wrecked the night for me. After dodging bouncers and the neds mates for half an hour i eventually made my way back to my cousins. It was then something weird happened. I got a text from my ex.

Now i've gave you as much back story as i possibly can. i'll leave the actual texts to your own depraved imaginations. However they started off friendly and gradually got more and mor sinister the drunker i was. This eventually came to a head when i turned up in her room one night ust watching her sleeping.

I never knew a scream that loud was even humanly possible.

Anyways drunken text leading to a some mild jail time and a name on a list..

No more details will be added



(length? 6 weeks on remand for sexual harasment and a restraining order to boot)

Long term lurker/first post. Be gentle!
(Fri 31st Jul 2009, 14:17, More)

» Call Centres

Actual Call Transcript..
Ah the call centre. Pit of eternal hell and place of my employment. Had this beauty today.

Me: Welcome to *****, my names Rogue, How can I help you?
Cunt: Do you hear this? (faint background hold music)
M: Yes. It sounds like our hold music.
C: Yeah it is. I've been on hold for the past half hour waiting for that last guy to come back. And this calls costing me money.
M: It's costing you double phoning me too..
C: Don't be sarcastic. Do you know who has me on hold?
M: Whats his name?
C: Eric.
M: Eric who?
C: I don't know.
M: What dept?
C: I don't know
M: What call centre?
C: I don't know.
M: What country?
C: I said I don't know!
M: Well pray tell me how the hell I'm supposed to know...

C then preceded to unleash a torrent of abuse for 5 minutes before promptly slamming down the phone. Didnt matter. It gave me 5 minutes peace to watch the Scotland game..

Apologies for lack of lulz but this is the sort of shit I deal with on a daily basis.

Oh and I know that Kenny Miller couldn't score in a brothel with a £50 note wrapped around his dick..
(Wed 9th Sep 2009, 23:48, More)

» Conspiracy theory nutters

Tinfoil Hats?
Good people of b3ta. Please please don't fall into the NWO's trap of using tinfoil!

All it does is amplify the mind control signals that THEY are sending out into our brains.

For true protection, cover your head in marmite and wrap some grease proof paper round your head.

THAT'LL TEACH THEM!!!!

[lulz]
(Tue 1st Sep 2009, 23:34, More)